One Last Time

15

Kuroo nervously laughed. His leg was tapping a bit more now. His heart started beating faster and he felt as if anyone around him could see it beating through his chest. He wanted to deny it. He didn't want it to be true. He knew Kenma wasn't dead. He wouldn't accept it. Kenma was stronger than that.

He repeated himself, his voice shaking. "What?"

"I'm sorry..." The lady looked genuinely upset for him. She looked as if she wished she could hug him.

"No.. you're lying right? This- This is some sick prank.. isn't it!" Kuroo could feel his voice shaking even more with every word he spoke. His heart had sunken through the floor. He felt as if he had just been hit by a bus.

He didn't want to lose Kenma. He couldn't have lost Kenma. Kenma was still with him. He was sure of it. He wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"H-how?" Kuroo gasped for air as he choked back the tears he could feel welling up in his eyes. He felt as if he couldn't breath, as if he was being pushed deeper and deeper into the ocean he was slowly drowning in.

"Read this for yourself..." The nurse, calmly but quietly, spoke as she handed Kuroo the paper that had been in his room. It had Kenma's perfect handwriting all over the page.

Kuroo snatched it from her hand, trying to suppress rhe pain he felt inside as he read what it said:

"Kuroo...
I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. Just know that I love you and I always will. I'm sorry. Please forgive me...
Kuroo. I know you aren't going to be happy with what I did, but I can't help it. I feel as if I'm trapped in a reality I can't control. I feel trapped inside my head, in an endless thought spiral that I can't stop.
I really do love you Kuroo. And I know you love me. I'm sorry. It's for the better.
You could do it for a day... now you can do it everyday.
- Kenma"

Kuroo's hands shook as he read what was in front of him. The tears from his eyes had wet most of the paper. He could feel his whole body increasingly shaking by the second. His heart felt as if it was pounding outside of his chest. He could feel his throat tighten as the tears continued to well up in his eyes.

It was his fault. He knew it was. He didn't help Kenma. He didn't stop him. He couldn't stop him. He did absolutely nothing.

Kuroo looked up, his vision blurred by the water in his eyes. He continued to gasp for breath as if he had just been running for miles. He wouldn't accept it. He couldn't.

Maybe Kenma wasn't dead. Maybe he was still here. Maybe it was a joke. Or maybe he was still alive. Maybe he was in the other room, being saved, with an oxygen mask on and hoses connected to him. Maybe he was still alive.

At this point, Kuroo's own mind had convinced him that Kenma was alive. He wasn't dead. He knew he wasn't. He couldn't be.

As his vision cleared a bit, the nurse had left him alone in the room, the paper in his hand, and the door closed.

Kenma wasn't dead. He just wasn't. Kuroo wouldn't believe it. After wiping his tears with a tissue and getting himself to calm down after a few minutes, he left the room.

Maybe Kenma would be at home, waiting for him. He was okay. He was alive. He had to have been.

.
.
.

Kuroo had staggered through the front door. He was greeted with the small purr of the cat that as at his feet.

Voice shaky, Kuroo called out to the boy that wasn't there. "Kenma.. I-I'm home."

The cat, leaning against his leg, looked up at Kuroo and let out a soft, small meow. Kuroo reached down to pet him, the tears once again filling his eyes.

Kuroo picked up the cat and walked to his room. No Kenma. He walked to his office. No Kenma.

He continued to search the whole house...

No Kenma.

At this point, Kuroo had laid down at Kenma's spot on their bed. He knew Kenma was with him. He wasn't gone. He couldn't be.

He sent a text to Kenma. "Kenma.. I love you."

It didn't go through.