One Last Time

16

The next morning, Kuroo had awoken from his sleep feeling tired yet well rested. He had puffy eyes and he was still in the clothes he had worn out the day before.

He slightly rubbed his eyes and then turned over to the other side of the bed. When he didn't see Kenma in front of him, he confused himself for a split second before remembering the turn of events from the day before.

In his mind, he still truly believed that Kenma was alive. He knew he was and no one else could convince him otherwise.

Still laying in bed, Kuroo could feel the familiar, nostalgic smell of Kenma's clothes. It didn't make him feeling anything. He felt empty, as if he was immune to feeling anything. He hadn't felt like this before and he hated every second of it, but his hatred was drowned out by nothingness. He felt numb, as if his feelings had been frozen in place and he couldn't get them to thaw out.

Kuroo felt like his life had been turned upside down. He didn't want to get out of bed, but at the same time, he felt motivated to continue on and be stronger. Kenma wouldn't want him to do nothing all day - besides, he had a job.

Kuroo sighed. He grabbed his phone and sat up in bed. Eventually, he leaned forward and climbed out of bed, the cat following his movements.

The cat let out a soft, subtle meow. He knew what happened. He knew he wouldn't see Kenma again. He knew Kuroo thought Kenma was still alive.

Upon hearing his meow, Kuroo slightly smiled as he stroked the top of his head. He picked him up in his arms, and carried him to the kitchen where his food bowl was. He set him down beside the bowl before he filled it with food.

Kuroo didn't really feel like eating, so he just went back to his room. He sat down for a second and stared at the wall. He didn't know what to do without Kenma there beside him.

He got up and walked over to the drawers that stored Kenma's clothes. He opened the one with all of his hoodies folded and stacked neatly atop each other. He took out the one he gave to Kenma a long time ago, which was basically now Kenma's hoodie.

It smelled like Kenma. It had that same scent Kenma always smelled like. When Kuroo had picked it up, gravity unfolding it, he felt worse. He felt an even darker and deeper sadness, but at the same time, it also made him feel even more numb then he already felt. He felt hurt, but at the same time he didn't feel anything.

He started taking out Kenma's hoodies one by one. He went from the hoodies with "Kodzuken" written on them all the way back to the hoodies he had worn when he was 17 which still fit him.

All he did was pick up a hoodie, unfold it, hug it for a second, and lay it on the bed. He repeated the process as he went through all of the hoodies, feeling emptier by the second.

He liked not feeling anything. It helped him not feel pain or sadness. But he also couldn't be happy either. He didn't know what he wanted to feel anymore. He just wanted Kenma back, no matter how much pain or suffering he would have to go through before he came back.

As Kuroo was nearing the end of the drawer with hoodies, all he felt was pain. Pain knowing he couldn't have helped Kenma. Pain knowing Kenma didn't ask him for help or even tell him anything for that matter. Pain knowing he didn't try.

A thought Kuroo wished he never would've created filled his mind. Maybe Kenma didn't even like him to begin with. Maybe he got with him out of pity. Maybe he was too scared to say no. Or maybe he had liked him in the beginning but lost feelings and he was too scared to break up with him.

Kuroo could feel his eyes welling up with tears as he clung onto Kenma's hoodie. He wished Kenma was there with him. At this point, he honestly didn't care if Kenma loved him back. He just needed him there at his side.

Kuroo's phone dinged. It was Akaashi.

Akaashi: I heard what happened... I'm sorry. I'm here if there's anything you want to talk about :)

Kuroo: it's not ur fault. it wasn't anyone's. thanks tho

Akaashi: I'm always here if you need a friend Kuroo.

After reading the text, Kuroo just left the message at that and tossed his phone back on the bed behind him. He wished he didn't care so much about Kenma. He wished he never met him to begin with.

The thoughts his own mind was thinking made Kuroo mad at himself. He wondered why he would ever even consider thinking that. He loved Kenma and still did. He never regretted meeting him.

Kuroo, overwhelmed by his own thoughts, continued to cling onto the same hoodie he had been holding for a few minutes. It was Kenma's favorite hoodie, although he never wore it. He finally decided it was time to let go and continue on to another one.

A/N: Ok i don't usually do authors notes but here we are. sorry for the last few chapters being rushed. i have an idea of how i'm going to continue/finish the story but i'm still trying to think of the details and which ones to keep or scrap before i finish writing. anyways thanks for reading tho :)