Sam POV
I stare at the blank celling, the cream color getting more bland by the minute. I can hear the fan in the corner of the room on and buzzing, pushing the cool air through the room. I can feel the blue sheet tangled under my limbs and the navy blanket pushed off to the side.
I sigh, deep in thought, all thoughts depressing. I can't help but feel I'm a replacement for bucky, a replacement for the best friend he lost, a replacement for the hole he feels in his heart that grows everyday Steve is gone, a replacement for captain america, just a replacement.
I love him. It took me a long time to admit that but I'm finally comfortable enough to say it to myself, not anyone else. I only ever told one person, Wanda, though it might not seem like me and her were great friends, we were. I could trust her, she could trust me. I wonder where she is now.
I shake the thought off, not the time. I can hear buck in the kitchen humming a tune, I smile listening to him. Reality soon hits, that he would never love me back. He's in love with Steve and will always be no matter how many times Steve leaves him. I could never compete with Steve, they were best friends, loved each other over the course of 80 years, but Steve left. How could Steve leave such a perfect man, and man who loves him so much he would do anything for Steve.
I huff out a frustrated noise, there's no point in thinking it over it will never make sense.
I get out of the cold blue sheets and shiver as my feet touch the cold hard wood floor of my bedroom. I leave the room and walk towards the kitchen where I can still hear bucky humming.
When I get there I say a quick good morning to the man at the kitchen table and get working on our breakfast. While I stood in front of the stove cooking the pancakes, I feel arms wrap around my waist, I feel buckys head rest on my shoulder and his face buried in to my neck. My breath hitches, "what are you doing?" I question the man standing behind me.
"Hugging you" he responds in his smug tone, I can feel the smirk against my neck which causes me to blush more.
I continue cooking trying not to bask in the attention bucky is giving me. I finish up, moving towards the counter turning off the stove as I move. I expected buck to let go but he just follows.
I turn around to talk to bucky but pause, noticing how close our faces are. I stare into his baby blue eyes, I can't read them, their emotionless I can almost see the hint of emotions but just as I notice it's gone, which scares me. He leans in and I almost did as well but I need to know I'm not a replacement, I need to know I won't get my soul crushed when the love of my life just leaves me and moves on because that was all I was, a replacement.
I push him back quickly, he looks confused and almost hurt. "Bucky please tell me the truth" I pause, my voice almost cracking, " am I a replacement for Steve" I ask trying not to show the hurt in my voice but I'm sure he can tell.
"What? No! Why would you think that?!?" He asks seeming shocked I would ask him something like that, shocked that I even thought that was a possibility. " Bucky I need to- to know that I'm not just someone for you to use to fill that hole Steve left" I feel tears slip out of my eyes, I quickly wipe them away and stare him in the eyes to let him know I'm completely serious.
I feel his human hand cup my cheek, gentle, soft, and caring. I feel him rub the tears off my cheek and smile at me. "Sam, no you're not a replacement, I love you. Maybe even more than I loved Steve. You mean so much to me I would never hurt you or leave you" he whispers more reassuring messages to me, making me more confident that he was not lying by the minute.
As he's rambling about how much he would hate himself if he ever hurt me, I smile grab his chin and make him look at me. I look at his lips, and look back at him knowing he can read me well enough to know I'm asking if it's ok. He nods with a smile.
I immediately kiss him, feeling his soft pink lips against mine. I can confidently say this is the best kiss I ever had.
I smile more if that's even possible, now it's just me and bucky standing in our small kitchen in our New York apartment, kissing and basking in each other with the smell of the fresh breakfast around us. It's perfect. I'm glad I'm not a replacement.
A/n
I'm gonna try to update this more but finals week is coming up so I don't expect much updates. Leave some suggestions or any AUs you would like to see!
