Dusk [sequel to Aurora] - HS AU

Chapter 8

A/N: Surprise double update today! 
This is the second chapter I'm uploading today, so make sure you'd read chapter 7 before reading this one ;) 

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Feel like I'm dying inside and I'm trying to take you with me
You've been cooped up way too long
It's obvious you're jaded
Couldn't just leave you all alone and risk your colors fading
I miss when you would smile
You know it's been awhile
We'd laugh for hours driving slower to enjoy the miles
Pack all your shit and let's get out of here
Call all your friends and say we'll be back next year

Song: Cooped up, by Landon Tewers

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FIJI

2020, July 3rd, Friday | 5 a.m

Aster's P.O.V.:

Last night, I went to bed one hour after I'd put Harry to sleep. Though I wanted to get into bed with him right then and there, I felt like I needed a moment to myself, to try and wrap my mind around what just had happened.

How can you so easily let me go in order to chase for something you don't even know it's possible?

There was so much hurt in his voice, so much hatred in his words. I never thought he was feeling like that; I mean, I knew he was hurting because of his father, but I didn't imagine it could've turned against me. Maybe I was just being too simple-minded to not realize how negligent I have been with him and his feelings.

After the initial euphoria of finally having him here with me, I started noticing the physical signs of how these last months have been hard on him. It's not only that he lost weight, but his skin is paler, the dark circles under his eyes are deep, even his hair is lacking the usual glowly shine and smoothness it usually has.

He's also so... Distant, in a way. Always lost in his own mind, and clearly keeping a lot of things from me. All this time that I've been here, we've been Facetiming daily, but though I've noticed he looked a bit tired, I never thought it would be more than that. Now that I'm thinking about, he has been clearly avoiding long conversations and barely talking about what's going on in New York. In fact, every time I'd ask how things were, he solely focused on giving me Desmond's health updates, sometimes he would talk about Penny and Erin, but when I asked about work and stuff, he would always say it's more of the same.

I didn't pay too much attention to it, because I was too focused on my sister and Eve here in Fiji. I just thought Harry was trying to spare me from unnecessary drama, I thought he was strong enough to deal with everything by himself until the time I'd come back.

You abandoned me.

Without even realizing it, that's exactly what I did. I've abandoned Harry, the love of my life, in a moment where he clearly needed me so much, simply because I was too selfish to realize how much I was letting him deal with all by himself.

I'm going to lose you, aren't I?

In my selfishness, I didn't realize I was letting the cheekiest, most confident man I know turn into a shell of himself, planting all kinds of insecurities so deep in his heart, he honestly thought I would never go back for him. He thought I was going to stay here forever, and let him to deal with all that shit alone.

And I can't even blame him for thinking that - I was the one who showed him it could happen, by acting the way I did.

Maddie pointed it out almost three months ago. She told me I was taking him for granted. She told me I was going to lose him because of that, but I was so fucking arrogant, I didn't believe her. In my smugness, I thought she didn't know any better; I thought she barely even know him, how could she go and think she knew anything about Harry and how he felt?