Dusk [sequel to Aurora] - HS AU

Chapter 9

Cheers to all of the schmuck's tryna take what you got
And let them go, let them go
A middle finger salute to the names that hurt you
Hey, I know, just let it go, go, go
Your fault, not your fault
It's not your fault, not your fault
I got your back, got your back like that
No need to worry

Song: Sometimes People Suck, by Ashe

***

FIJI

2020, July 3rd, Friday | 6 p.m

Aster's P.O.V.:

We've spent the whole day in bed.

I hadn't realized how much the both of us needed it, until we did it. Harry spent almost the whole time sleeping, he's so obviously tired, and I'm just glad he managed to get a little of his energy back. For a second I felt kinda guilty for not taking him to get to know the island and do some tourist shit, but the moment I heard his snores, it was quite clear to me he needed this more than going out to know a waterfall or whatever.

I didn't manage to have a blink of sleep, my mind rushing with everything that happened this morning, and the conversation we had.

Honestly, I'm kinda hating myself at the moment - how could I be so selfish, not to realize he was struggling?

I mean, I could easily pretend it's not my fault; every time I asked about him and how the things were in New York, he would give me short answers, telling me everything was alright and that I should focus on finding my sister/spending time with her, that he was managing everything, and that he just missed me lots, but understood I needed to be here with her. I guess it was just so convenient for me to believe in him, not even for a moment I thought he could be lying. Yeah, I'm not dumb, I've noticed he was hiding something for my benefit, but I never imagined it was such deep wounds.

After the initial euphoria of seeing him again wore out, the way he's physically changed could never go by unnoticed. I mean, maybe for someone who doesn't know him as well as I do, he might look the same, but I have known him ever since we were kids. Even the softest of changes would look big to me, and in this case, everything is fucking screaming at me.

There's no way I can lie about it - I've been hiding here in Fiji. The way my whole life turned upside down in such a short period of time; I've lost my father, or at least the father I thought I had, I've lost my place in S&L, I've been followed, kidnapped, tortured. Overall, there are just two good things I can take out of everything - Harry, and finding out my long lost sister is actually alive. At first, my plan was to come to Fiji, re-meet her, and then go back to real life, but once I was here, meeting my sister and my niece, feeling like I have a loving family for the first time in my life, it played a trick on me, it made me blind to what the real problems are. While I missed Harry with all my heart, I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Maddie yet.

That is, until this morning.

Seeing Harry at the shore, wearing dark clothes, fingers bare from the rings and nail polish he so proudly made it his signature look, it frightened me to unspeakable levels. It broke my heart, re-opening deep wounds I'd forgotten over the past couple of months. The mess I left behind in New York, a mess I left Harry alone to deal with, it all came down on me, crashing my spirits and waking me up from the sunny, beachy dream I've been living in here.

I mean, of course it hasn't been all fun and games, but when compared to what Harry's having, it was sure too easy.

My alarm went off a few minutes ago, and I turned it off quickly so it won't wake Harry up, dragging myself to take a quick shower. I'll have to wake him soon, but I chose to give him a few more minutes of rest. Tonight we're having dinner with my sister so Harry can finally meet her again, and meet Eve, so I'm really excited about it. We haven't talked about when he pretends to go back to New York, but I'm guessing it will be sooner rather than later, so that's another news I'm giving my sister tonight.