The boy next door

Chapter 46

Everyone grab your box of tissues, this is going to make you cry..
I never cry when I write but this time I did

"...my girlfriend."

I never knew two so innocent words could make me feel so endlessly sad, worthless and useless, but also stupid, confused, disappointed, frustrated and angry at myself.

The words sliced right through my heart like a knife would easily cut through soft butter. It left a big, gaping wound on my already bruised heart.

And I knew all of this was my own freaking fault.

I had my chance and I screwed up and now he was taken, out of my reach and nothing was like it used to be.

Within one month I lost two persons that were dear to me. And I honestly felt like I deserved it.

After Jungkook has told me the news I tried my best to keep a straight face and smile through the pain hoping that he wouldn't notice the storm raging inside of me which could be seen through a small window in the shell of my body which was my eyes.

But he didn't notice and just kept widely grinning at me in happiness because he made up with his ex-girlfriend, as it seemed.

He shortly told me how they met again and how easily they got into a conversation and talked it out. But I wasn't even listening properly.

Realisation of what I had done slowly sunk in and a certain feeling of numbness paralysed my whole body. My mind went blank and my subconsciousness took over.

I smiled at them wishing them all the best and then took my leave. I went back inside and just continued doing what I'd normally do, homework, clean my room, help my mother cook and so on. Only feeling dead inside.

The amount of emotions that were triggered by this turn of events were too much for me to handle. So to protect my health, my brain just pushed everything aside and switched to auto-mode.

No one noticed that something was wrong. Even I began wondering if I had only imagined this scene in my head but I was proved wrong when I saw them from the kitchen window flirting and goofing around outside my house.

It hurt. It just hurt a lot. But I actually had no right to be hurt or sad since this was all my doing and I was still happily together with my boyfriend...

...with who I'd be in a long distance relationship anytime soon.

He came to see me on Tuesday afternoon and we spent the rest of the day cuddling each other while watching a movie. It comforted me a lot, but it wasn't enough to make the throbbing wound on my heart heal even the slightest bit.

On Wednesday I went to his apartment to help him pack his stuff which made it even harder. He saw my suffering and decided to take me out for pizza which was a lot better than helping him leave me.

Thursday was our last day since his flight has been pushed to Friday instead of Saturday.

He picked me up from school and I had to pull myself together to not start crying already. He drove to my house so we could spent time together until the last minute.

My mother saw how miserable I felt and offered me to call in sick for me at school tomorrow so I could accompany Jimin to the airport. She even allowed me to stay the night at his place. I gladly accepted the offer and went with him.

We cuddled to sleep and I tried to remember his scent and how it felt to be in his embrace as best as I could.

The next morning came too soon and I had to drag myself out of bed and get ready. I had dark circles under my eyes and felt like a zombie. I wasn't sure how much more my body could take.

And then the hardest part of all came, fiercely, merciless and inevitably: the good-bye.

Tears were spilling from my eyes as he pulled me into a tight hug in front of the check-in. I was sobbing and I didn't plan on calming down. He whispered reassuring words into my ear but nothing seemed to break through my concrete wall of sorrow.

Then he had to go. He placed a last, very tender kiss on my lips and disappeared behind the barriers.

I broke down crying on a chair of the seating rows at the sides of the corridors at the terminal. I let the tears flow uncontrollably until my whole vision was blurred. I probably looked like a crazy woman but I couldn't care less.

I didn't know for how long I sat there but at some point I noticed that it had darkened outside. My tears have already dried up and I only stared blankly straight ahead.

That's how my mother found me. She was worried sick when I didn't pick up the phone or answered her texts. She drove to the airport and searched for me for half an hour.

When she finally found me she pulled me into her embrace before she took my hand and gently guided me outside. She must have thought I had gone mental.

I was so glad that it was the week-end and I didn't have to show up at school looking like this. I ignored everyone who texted me, I kept my curtains shut and only went downstairs for breakfast and dinner.

The only person I talked to was with Jimin on the phone. Or rather he called me and told me everything about his day meanwhile I only hummed in response since I didn't trust my voice and had nothing else to tell.

The week-end went by and I slowly pulled myself together so I could at least go to school and attend the classes which were so important for my finals.

Soojung tried to comfort me as best as she could but she only knew half of the story why I looked like a truck had hit me on the highway. But I wasn't going to tell her the truth, it was too messed up.

I stayed well clear of Jungkook ignoring his texts, calls and himself in school. He got the memo quickly and left me alone, fortunately.

Yet I was still forced to witness his lovey-dovey behaviour with Lilly when she waited for him after school or they were watching the sunset from his balcony.

But I got through it, through all of it, with the support of mostly my family and my friends. I focused on school and my grades went up by 20%.

I was slowly starting to feel better when the next blow hit me right in the face. My heart has just stopped bleeding and wasn't even stitched up yet when it got torn to pieces all over again.

At first I didn't even notice that Jimin began calling less and less. But when we talked on the phone, he was curtly and sluggish or uninterested. However, I did only take note of it when he didn't call for a whole week.

It has been one month since he had left and he had called almost every day if possible. But today I called him. I needed to know what was going on.

"Y/N?", he picked up, "I'm actually a little busy-"

"What is going on, Jimin?"