The boy next door

Chapter 53

"No, we need to talk", I said bluntly, "are you already home?"

"Yes, I am", he answered worry lacing his voice, "but I thought you still have lectures today. Where are you? Should I pick you up?"

"I skipped them, I'm on my way to you. You don't need to pick me up", I informed him, "see you in a minute."

I hung up and made my way to his house with a heavy heart.

I tried to grasp the emotion that I was feeling right now.

I wanted to blame him. I wanted to blame him for causing so much pain for both of us. But he wasn't the one who did wrong. And me neither.

It was a total mess of dishonesty, bad timing, fear of loss, insecurities and old wounds.

Dishonesty.

He didn't speak his mind when he realised that he had feelings for me thinking that I'd deserve better. Or hindered by the fact that I was fooling around with other boys.

I wasn't honest with myself when I realised that I had fallen for him. I fooled myself and chose Jimin with whom I simply felt more comfortable and secure with.

Bad timing.

And when I finally realised Jungkook had changed and wasn't playing anymore, Soojung kissed him and he took care of her as the good friend he was to her.

All of this led to him disappearing for one whole day which made me feel pretty insecure about what he said and if he even meant it.

He was gone. I went on a date with Jimin. Jungkook fvcked some other girl and I received the videos.

Fear of loss.

And all the time it was overshadowed by the fear of losing the other if one opened up too much or the other one didn't feel the same way.

Insecurities.

I was always scared of being honest with him about my feelings for him because I thought he might use me like other girls.

He was too scared to confess because he believed he wasn't good enough and that I'd never trust him.

Old wounds.

This was what eventually made it impossible for us to become a couple sooner.

The videos were sent right at the moment when I was questioning everything although his confession meant so much to me.

But then I was only reminded of how stupid I always felt when he was making me feel so special, so amazing and then I'd catch him kissing some other girl again.

But after all this I couldn't blame neither him nor me.

We both made mistakes. Stupid mistakes but all that counted was that we still found each other. And became happy.

No matter how toxic we used to be in the past, he could still make me the happiest girl in the world.

I still needed to know though who the girl was he hooked up with, once even after he had confessed. And where he went after he comforted Soojung. I wanted to understand and then forget.

But it wouldn't change anything about us now. What we had was too special to let anything get between us.

So when he opened the door I didn't yell at him or cry desperately.

I just threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly burying my face into the soft fabric of his hoodie.

"Hi, baby", he whispered gently overcoming his first surprise and wrapped his arms securely around my waist pulling me closer to him.