Kurzgeschichten

I'm coming mum

Love.
‚Love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to', this is what the internet says when you're searching for ‚love'.
But even though she read it and knows what the words mean, she doesn't know this feeling. She thought she did.

‚Stupid fool', she called herself in her mind as she stood in front of the bedroom in which she saw her man- her boyfriend, her finance- with this other female.
Why did she come earlier from work? Why didn't she stay there?
Her hands started shaking as her eyes started filling with tears.
She wanted to stop. To stop in this second. Wanted to be anywhere but in this apartment- in front of this bedroom.
As she let out a sob both humans attention landed on her.
„What is going on here?", she asked. ‚Stupid, stupid fool', the words continued in her head.
„It's not what it looks like", the male jumped out of the bed- at least he still wore his underwear. So it was not that bad, was it?
„It looks like you're cheating on me", tears streamed down her cheeks.
He went still.
Did he really think she'd be so stupid to not see what was going on?
„Why?", she cried „Why would you do this?"
She made a step backwards as he made one towards her.
„Let's talk about it babe"
Did he just call her that? How can he call her that when he was about to cheat on her?

Without any words she turned around and sprinted out of this apartment, out of this house and down the hill.
She had given up everything for him. She had moved in with him and had broken up any contact to her friends. And family.
Her family.
She'd do anything to be in her mum's arms right now. To let down her head on the rounded stomach of hers caused to one careless night in her unusual job.
She'd do anything to feel her mum's fingers stroke through her hair and to hear her soft voice telling her everything would be fine.
Of course she knew nothing was going to be fine. But she needed someone by her side. Someone to be there so she wouldn't feel as alone as she did.
She knew how stupid this wish was. The cemetery was 181 kilometres away.

Her mum had always told her not to trust a man. Now she knew why.
He had promised her to not hurt her. To be by her side through everything. He knew how hard it was for her to trust a male. Since the only memories of the male who is supposed to be the most important one in a kids life, are memories of his screaming and his abusive behaviour.

Another thing her mum was right about: men will make you a lot of promises they won't keep.
She never experienced men's love and as she thought she did she got hurt.

The scars on her arms and thighs are telling everyone who looks close enough that the way she came from was hard.
That's one thing she had told him as well. She had really told him everything and now as she ran away from him he didn't even try to call her. He's probably in bed with this female again.
She refused to call her a woman. Which woman would do that to another? Which woman would just lay in the bed of two people in a relationship while the woman caught her male cheating?
But she also refused to call him a man. A man isn't defined by having a dick. He should also act like one. Which her male didn't.

The rain and cold air mixed in her face with her tears and the smell of the river at the end of the hill.
Her sister had liked the water. She was only ten when she died.
What had she done that she deserved so much pain in her life?
All the bad thoughts she thought were gone came back within a second. She felt like the clouded nightsky was laughing at her. With every raindrop it felt like there was more weight on her shoulders pushing her down.

She had been so blind.
She had known it from the beginning. She wasn't as beautiful, as smart, as thin, as perfect as all of the other girls out in the world.
Maybe it was the wish of being loved by a man that made her believe every good thing he had ever said to her. The wish of belonging somewhere.

A warm wind stroke her cheek and she felt like it was her mother standing beside her saying: ‚My precious little girl'. As she always did.
She wanted her mother back. Wanted to be a little kid again, not knowing how cruel the world can be. Wanted to hear her mother's voice reading her a bedtime story she already knew and had heard a thousand times.

The river was only a few steps away.

She would do it. Finally.

She remembered her sister, her mum and her little brother, who had been always kicking in her mum's stomach.

Four steps.

Three steps.

Two steps.

One step.

„I'm coming mum", a whispered promise as she fell into the ice cold water.