The First To

Slowly killing myself in my own thoughts

Adriana

I had spent all day with Gemma at the spa and even after that we still had dinner together. But now I'm home. Home alone drowning in my own thoughts. I had sent Harry a text earlier today at spa asking him if he would be home tonight for dinner. But he never texted me back. He hasn't called me all day either. Yet, he has time to tweet weird things.

I sigh as I lower myself into our bathtub in the middle of our bathroom. The water is warm and it's doing an amazing job of soothing my muscles. I remember how I saw a beautiful dress being displaced in front of Harrods as Gemma and I walked by to go to dinner. It was so beautiful. I wish I could look at wedding dresses again but Harry want us to slow down. He also told me that he wanted to post pone our wedding maybe till next spring. Things have changed. I remember how we use to spend as much time as we could. How we would spend our nights in each other's arms and have late night conversations about our future. He would talk about how he wanted me to be his officially. I told him once that I was already officially his...

*flashback*

I was in Harry's arms. He had one arm wrapped around me. My back pressed against his chest. And his other arm was playing with my hair. I had my eyes closed as he spoke.
"Adriana, I want you to be mine, like officially mine." "Babe, I'm already yours. I've been officially yours since day one." "I know and I've been yours since day one as well, but I just want us to be official. Like us being husband and wife. I want to live the rest of my life with you. I want to be able to wake up you everyday. I want to be only yours and I want you to be only mine. I want to grow old with you Adriana." I turned around in his arms and grabbed his face. I started to kiss him with so much passion. I pulled away slowly "Harry, I want to grow old with you too! I want to be yours forever. I want to be your wife too, I love you so much. So much that it hurts." I kissed him again.

*end of flashback*

The next day after we had that conversation he had propose to me at the Shard. I guess he had this planned out for months. He had rented the whole top part of the Shard. He had our close friends and family be there with us. It was a wonderful night. I cried so much that night but they were happy tears though.

I hadn't realized that I was crying right now until I let out an uncontrollable sob. I tried to wipe my tears but it was no use. I felt so empty. I felt used. I felt lonely. I tried to cradle myself to take this pain, but nothing was working. I needed warmth, the once warm water is now cold. I needed someone to cradle me. I need Harry. I miss being held by him every night. I need him right now. This is too much. My thoughts are everywhere.

*flashback*

"Babe, I can't wait till we are married. Once we get married we are going to be making babies from left to right. I know I can't keep hands off of you now but just wait and see once we are married. I want this house filled with our very own children. I want this house with little Adriana's and Harry's running around." He was biting down on my collarbones. "oh gosh, Harry! Stop!" I laughed at him because he kept trying to buck his hips onto mine. "what?" He gave me his devil smirk. "How about we start early and start making our gorgeous babies right now, yeah?" "no! As much as I want to make babies with you right now, we have to be married first!" "I can't wait till we get married. Not only will you be mine forever but we will be giving each other away to one another. Our wedding night is going to be a very special one. I love you so much Adriana!" "I love you so much too Harry!"

*end of flashback*

I started to hit my head. I need to stop thinking. I just want Harry but he's not here and I doubt he'll come back home tonight.

After an hr I was finally able to control myself and get out of the tub. I walked back into my room and didn't bother changing into some clothes. I crawled to bed and went under the covers.

That night I cried myself to sleep