DERANGER - SEULRENE

006

the next monday, seulgi's back in your class. she acted like her usual self whenever she's in your class.

silent. unparticipative.

makes you think if what happened last week is real or not.

maybe it's better off as a dream than reality. for days you were ashamed of yourself, ashamed of what you've done.

you know you shouldn't have done that.

you feel incredibly guilty for doing that.

the fact that it felt so good and how she felt good makes you feel even worse.

donghae doesn't deserve any of this. he's been nothing but good to you.

you should put an end to this. you should stop whatever it is between you and her.

it's for your sanity.

---

wednesday came, and along with it are several bad lucks having fun trolling your day.

you don't want to keep tabs of how many unfortunate events occurred, but it started when you woke up. to your delight, it keeps increasing as the day goes by.

it doesn't help the term exams are near, and you're bombarded with deadlines and papers to review.

the urge to just quit your job and do something different occurs more often now than ever.

you sometimes tell donghae about this, in which he would respond by saying it's part of the adult life, and you have to live with it, that he's also doing a lot of tasks he doesn't like, but he needs to because it's his job and gets paid for it.

then he'll encourage you again to continue reviewing for the bar exam like what your father wanted because he believes everything will change for you once you become a lawyer.

the conversation would usually end with you saying you'll think about it.

it keeps happening repeatedly, and sometimes you don't tell donghae about it anymore, knowing he'll ask you to bear with it.

sometimes you imagine yourself blowing up into tiny pieces of stress spewed on the floor.

and no one would even notice.

---

your last string of patience is on trial when you come to your house after a dinner invitation from your parents.

your older sister, jihye, and her husband, seungheon, visited after attending a seminar. these occasional visits from them are always treated with celebrations from your parents.

it is not that you mind, but sometimes you ask yourself why they aren't they celebrating when you're visiting?

you set aside the thought when you see your younger brother, eunwoo, enter the house with a guitar strapped on his back.

"noona!" he greets you and ruffles your hair like a kid.

the two of you are called to the table where you see your sister and brother-in-law already waiting.

it's just dinner, that's what you tell yourself.

you take a deep breath hoping you'll get something nice out of this.

---

"so, how are you and donghae?" jihye asks you over dinner. "we haven't seen him in a while."

"we're good," you say. "he's mostly assigned out of town, but he makes sure to spend time with me every fridays and saturdays."

jihye nods. "he hasn't popped the question yet, has he?"