DERANGER - SEULRENE

011

certain things in life don't make sense to you.

emotions like sadness, disappointment, envy, greed. why are those emotions existing when they are only causing world problems?

on the other hand, are these emotions the cause of the problems, or is it the world causing those emotions to become problems?

and if those problems get eliminated, is having no problem not a problem by itself?

why does the pursuit of happiness results in loneliness?

and why did the supreme being above created homosexuals only to be bullied and ridiculed by people?

why were they born that way when the holy scriptures state that same-sex affair is a grave sin?

it is ironic, you think, how these people around you at the table keep claiming they are religious and righteous, yet they discriminate and talk meanly about people who are not their kind.

you could only shake your head at their conversation.

"and that bar taeyeon is running right now, i'm sure it'll go bankrupt someday," your dad says. "nothing as sinful as that would last long."

how come you guys lasted this long? you think to yourself.

"that's why you should never go back to that bar, irene," your mum says. "it's a dreadful place. you should never be seen hanging around there."

"well, she only went there twice." donghae glances at you. "one is during the opening, and another is when she can't say no to their invitation."

"better say no to them next time. what if someone in the church sees you going in there?" your mum asks.

"yeah. we don't want people thinking you're a lesbian," your dad says.

donghae laughs. "i'm glad irene's not, despite her growing up close with taeyeon."

and that's snaps the last string of your remaining patience.

"i don't think it's right to assume something like that only because one enters a certain bar," you say. "and if someone from church sees me in there, wouldn't that mean they are inside the bar as well?"

everyone becomes silent.

"taeyeon unni is one of the kindest human beings that's ever lived on this planet," you add. "i won't forsake her or ruin our relationship only because she's in love and married to a woman."

another silence.

"just saying you should limit your visit there, honey," your mum softly says. "people would talk about it."

"who are these people anyway?" you are pretty irritated by now. "i mean, do they matter with how we live our lives? they'll keep talking whatever we do anyway, right?"

donghae taps your leg under the table, a sign that means you need to slow down.

your dad clears his throat. "it's still better we keep our distance. homosexuality is a psychological abnormality. those people don't function the way they're supposed to. associating ourselves with them too much might ruin our lives."

you keep the words stuck in your throat, knowing that arguing won't make sense.

the dinner continues with donghae, your dad, and your mum talking about how they will be saved once the judgement day arrives as they live a righteous life according to the holy scriptures.

---

"are you alright?" donghae asks as he drives you back to your apartment. "you seem to be awfully upset during dinner."