DERANGER - SEULRENE

021

you end up going back to your apartment that night.

you couldn't stay over, despite your family's insistence, as seeing them only makes you feel guiltier than you already are.

you couldn't reach out to seulgi either, feeling you're only making the situation worse if you try to.

it was all confusing and worrying at the same time. you don't know what to do anymore.

what's clear to you is, this time around, it's not only yourself you need to protect from your family, but seulgi as well.

---

"seulgi, let's stop this."

her expression doesn't change, but you see her swallowing a lump in her throat.

it was the following day. you finally get to see her again after a week. like the usual, she sneaked into your office after your class.

you are excited to be reunited and get close to her again. but after what happened last night with donghae, you think it's about time you put an end to this.

over three months of exclusive hook-up. you think it's not bad. at least you've tried it. you're sure she had a good time as much as you did.

but why do you feel like breaking and crying as you try to end this today?

and what about her? how will she take it?

"i understand," she says.

her answer is so short you wish you could at least see more emotions from her.

"seulgi, what we had, it was fun. but--"

"you don't need to explain anything," she says, and the calmness in her tone is like a knife to your chest. "that's just how things are."

somehow it hurts you how she's taking everything lightly like it's something she's used to doing.

but what bothers you is how tight both her fists are clenched.

"i just..." you rub a hand on your nape. "i just think you deserve an explanation."

"all things that start must come to an end. that's how life is. at least you're decent enough to let me know you've changed plans."

"seulgi, if you're thinking--"

"i'll be taking my leave now, professor." she bows and leaves your office the next second.

---

the next few days pass in a blur. it was dull and lifeless to you.

you find yourself crying at times for unknown reasons.

but you know it's got something to do with seulgi.

you're sure it's about her.

when you stay in your apartment alone and watch netflix, you remember how her hug feels whenever you cuddle there.

you see her image standing in the kitchen, washing dishes and smiling at you.

you can hear her voice, how she loves teasing you. how she calls you love and makes it sound like she means it.

you wonder if she's feeling or thinking in the same way. she never reached out after that talk. she doesn't look at you anymore when you're in class.

it's like nothing happened between the two of you.

it's like she never cared for you.

that idea is suffocating.

---