𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒-Kaz Brekker

𝐕𝐈𝐈.

𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑: 𝐕𝐈𝐈.

Arken leaves Raisa in a tavern. He says he's going to make sure everything is settled at the meeting spot for that night, but his accelerated heart rate tells Raisa he's lying. She doesn't question him, though she knows Kaz will be enraged to know that she let him slip away on his own while she got drunk. But crossing the Fold again requires some liquid courage, and she's not going to pass up a chance to make the voices in her head cease.

She's not sure when exactly Kirigan's voice entered her mind, becoming a terrible brother to the voice of her own conscience. She knows she heard him at the edge of the Fold, whispering in her ear. She's not sure if it's some strange power of his or whether it's simply her own guilt. The Devil on her shoulder, the dark figure that muddles her dreams at night, taking all the light with him.

The dreams are the worst part, she thinks, as she drains a pint of ale and waits for Kaz to come looking for her with anger in his eyes and sharp words on the tip of his tongue. The dreams, feeling his hands on her shoulders, sometimes a comfort, and other times keeping her close because she thinks a part of him always knew she was bound to run away.

Most nights she dreams of the Fjerdan man and his screams as he died. Other times it's the memories of training with him when he'd will her to slow his own heart. She was always so afraid that she'd hurt him, that she'd kill him.

He had shaped her into a weapon, a well-honed blade. And like a sword is an extension of an arm, she was an extension of him.

He was powerful, yes, more than anyone else, but even shadows need to rest. And when the shadows slept, she awoke.

Weak. Scrawny. Afraid. Small.

Yet he saw something in her. Something that could be more, something impressive.

Strong. Powerful.

She jolts when Kaz's cane comes down in front of her, rousing her from her musings.

"Where's the Conductor?" he asks.

She doesn't turn, sucking in a harsh breath. "He left to look at the meeting place. Don't know when he'll be back."

"I told you to keep an eye on him."

"You are not the boss of me."

He scoffs, and she feels the corners of her mouth lifting up in a smirk as she pictures the annoyed expression on his face. "For this, I am," he says.

"He'll be back," she says. "Have a drink, you need to relax."

"No."

She chuckles, turning finally to look at him. It's a near momentous effort not to laugh at the sight of the baby goat he holds under one arm. "Why did you have to make the volcra bait so cute?"

"He was the cheapest option. If I'm losing twenty thousand kruge worth of profit to you, I'd better start saving money."

She huffs softly. "You really are no fun," she says.

"You're just lucky I'm not more angry at you for losing the Conductor."

"I did not lose him. He'll be back. If he isn't, I'm a Heartrender. I can kill in a second if I have to," she states.

Kaz has no response. His silence actually frightens her.

She leans forward in her seat, meeting his gaze fully. "I'm not a child. I'm not a fool. I understand that letting the Conductor leave was silly of me, but if you haven't noticed, Mr. Brekker, I have quite a bit at stake here. And I feel the need to have a drink. So either sit and have one with me, or send me back to Ketterdam now, because I won't stop. If I have to spend this whole trip drunk, I will."

He sighs. And then he sits down. "You're reckless," he says. "And that's dangerous. Do you understand?"

"Everything is dangerous. I'm dangerous. I was fifteen the first time I killed a man. Now, usually, you learn that in a real fight, with Fjerdans or what have you and you kill them before they kill you. I had to watch the man die and not know whether what I was being told was the truth or not. So I understand danger. And I don't need you to treat me like I'm weak."

She grips the sides of the stool so tightly her knuckles turn white. He doesn't know her, doesn't understand what she has done, what she knows.

The Little Palace took a terrified child and spat out the hollow remnants of a girl who wants nothing more than for it all to cease. But Kaz Brekker cannot see inside her head. He can't see that even now the darkness is creeping in at the edges, urging her to kill him for ever thinking she didn't know what she was doing.

He considers her words for a long moment. In his arms, the goat squirms uncomfortably and he squeezes it just a bit tighter.

Finally, he says. "Why did you leave the Little Palace?"

She scoffs, grabbing for her drink. "I told you," she states. "I need to have my secrets."

"I need to know you're not going to ruin this. I need to know your emotions won't get in the way. I need to understand."

Raisa's hands are shaking as she takes a deep drink, draining the last of it in one.

She doesn't look at him as she answers, "Fine."