The Cost of Love

Chapter 1: A Truth Be Told

"College is a very confusing time for everybody, Dylan" said my dad after I had just confessed that I was gay after 3 years of knowing it to be the truth. My mom just sat by quietly holding onto my arm. 

"But Dad," I said quietly, "I haven't even begun college yet! I start tomorrow and I want to start off completely fresh! And by fresh I mean I want to be completely true to by own identity!" I slowly wiped a single solitary tear away from my cheek because of the realization that I was finally coming to terms with who I was. 

"Son", my dad said calmly, "your mother and I will love you endlessly regardless of who you are, who you love, and the mistakes you make because you are our son. But I don't want you to go making rash sudden statements if you're not 100 percent sure." 

"I am" I said. "Well then, son, that is good enough for us!" 

My dad got up and approached me and hugged me close. My mom followed suit. I was a lucky kid to have such supporting parents. But at the same time I realize the fear that they have. They were afraid of the uncertainties that lie ahead. They understood that not everyone is accepting of my identity. They were scared. We lived in San Benito, Texas, a state well known for its anti-gay stance. They didn't want me to end up like that young guy Matt Shepard from years ago that I had read about. I was grateful that they hid their fear well and were genuinely concerned for me.

There weren’t a lot of openly gay kids within our small rural community. Mostly because of the horror stories we would hear throughout high school. There was one kid named Jonathan, he was a junior when I was just a freshman and he came out to one of his friends and then it spread like wildfire and then within the blink of an eye suddenly the whole school knew. He went home one day and his dad beat him and threw him out of the house. He went to live with an aunt and he was mocked every single day when he went to school. One day over the intercom they announced his passing. Apparently the only way to ease the pain was with a bottle of vodka and an overdose of prescription drugs. At that point I knew I had to hold off on coming out. I had to wait until I graduated. I couldn’t bear to think about living a life like Jonathan’s. I mean…at that point it really isn’t living, is it? It’s just waking up and experiencing hell each and every day. I only told a handful of people who I knew I could trust with my life, if necessary.

I went upstairs to my room and lied in bed. I couldn’t believe that I had finally mustered up the courage to confess the truth to my parents. I’ve known for quite a while that I was gay. At this point in my life I knew I had to make the decision to tell them. I knew that if I continued to wake up each and every day with my family not knowing who I really was then how could I face each day knowing I was holding something back from the people I loved the most. I closed my eyes preparing to fall asleep so I could be physically and mentally prepared for the big day ahead of me tomorrow. I was happy because I could finally sleep with an easy mind. I didn’t have anything to worry about. Tomorrow is officially the first day of my new beginning.

The next day seemed like any other, despite my revelation the previous day. I woke up to my kid sister jumping on my bed tauntingly chanting "Dylan likes boys!!! Dylan likes boys!!!!!" 

"Get the fuck out of my room!!!!!!" I screamed, throwing a nearby sketching pad at her. 

It hit her square in the head mid-jump and she flopped on the bed then onto the floor. She started crying hysterically and ran to her room. I felt bad for a second and then chuckled to myself. Normally, she would run straight to my mother to make her yell at me but I don't think my mom would take kindly to hearing about how she mocked me about my sexuality. 

I walked over to her room and sat on her bed. "I'm sorry Bri", I patted her on the back. 

"Mmm I guess I'm sorry too" she said as she wiped her nose and went to hug me. 

"Uhhhmmmm if you think you're gonna hug me with your snotty ass hands you must be crazy" I chuckled as I smiled at her. 

We walked downstairs to have a big breakfast because today was the first day of school for both me and Brianna, as well as my younger brother James. I was starting college, James was starting high school and Bri was starting middle school. It seemed like the perfect little trio. 

My mom was in the other room sobbing her eyes out at the idea of all of us getting older. Me and my siblings all rolled our eyes and chuckled because this had always been a yearly tradition. Even when it was just me and my parents at this breakfast table my mom always cried before I had to go back to school for the first day of the new school year. Although this time I kinda understood why she did that. It wasn't too long ago that I was in Brianna's shoes. It wasn't too long ago that I had that blissful ignorance that she has. 

But today I'm beginning my newest journey and I had such an intense fusion of fear and excitement in my gut. My dream was always to become a writer. My head constantly producing thoughts of romance, adventure, mystery, and drama. These thoughts often came at times of inconvenience like when I would be trying to fall asleep in bed. That's why I always kept a notebook nearby, to prevent inspiration from escaping my brain. I felt like today was the first step toward finally making that dream a reality. All I really had to do was just put my mind to it and not allow myself to let my path sway from my goal.