After almost six years of training, Hanuel is finally debuting as a solo artist. While overcoming obstacles of mistreatment and financial strain she has worked hard to prove her determination and dedication to her craft. Also wants to give back the...
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Another interview, another showcase, another stage, another packed schedule and another long week of being harassed by ARMYs. It's mostly been online, no offline interactions. Though it's easy to avoid when I only go from the studio, my scheduled events, and my home.
Too afraid to go anywhere. No visits to my favorite cafe down the road and, much to the confusion of Sagwa, no visits to Halmeoni's Garden. Instead I dress up from head to toe in the most inconspicuous clothes I own and take her for a short walk around the block then back inside to hide from the world.
Feeling bad for my poor puppy I've been taking her to my practices at the studio. It's not much better than the short walks but at the moment it's all I can bring myself to do. That being said I still work hard during practice. Watching closely in the cracked mirror as I dance to my choreo like nobody hates it. Dancing to it like I'm not being accused of plagiarizing. Dancing to it like I did with Hoseok.
"I wonder how he is," I ask my sleeping puppy "Though I'm not sure how I am. I'm not gonna lie, half of me is mad at him."
He spoiled my choreo and, unintentionally, turned ARMY against me. He was so supportive of me, helped me a lot, he knows the struggle of this single. The story behind it. As an Idol himself he knows the damage that can come from spoilers. He is a WORLDWIDE Idol. Anything he does is known in an instant and shared over 2 million times around the world. He has an army of fans behind him that will support his every breath and defend him to their death.
In truth, if I was on the outside, if I was just a regular ARMY, not an Idol "I would probably side with them," I confess to myself.
Knowing only the fact that his dance was shown first. Not even thinking that it takes way longer than a week to produce choreo for a single song. Let alone the planning and shooting of the music video. So I get ARMY's outrage. I get the hate... but what I don't get is the mistreatment. The hateful comments.
And while I understand the negative, I don't like it and it's definitely more on my mind.
"The other half isn't mad," I continue out loud.
I understand Hoseok's excitement. I feel giddy just thinking about the fact that he loved my choreo so much that he couldn't wait to show it off to some of the most important people to him. His loyal fans. I know that he wasn't thinking about the damage. He wasn't thinking about spoiling it. And a detail I didn't miss is the fact that he danced my choreo to a similar song to the single. So he did go out of his way to not spoil. He tried to do as little damage as possible. I appreciate that and I understand it.
It takes effort to think about it positively but I get it, and my heart always goes warm and this smile spreads across my face.
I have watched the edits of us dancing 'together' so many times. Every time I see his smile, his genuine grin, it's the same as when we practiced together. It makes me smile every time I think about it.
"Wow, it's hot in this practice room," I fan myself with my hand. Knowing full well that it will do nothing.
This building's crappy AirCon is no match for the boiling summer sun. Finally turning off the music coming from the single speaker I glanced outside the window. A flash of black ducks below the window and with my not so recent anxiety I wake Sagwa up "Sagwa, wake up girl. I need you right now." She sleepily yawns and trots to me awaiting my commands. I grab water from the cooler pouring some in a travel bowl for her and guzzling the rest for myself. Never taking my eyes off the window. It's probably a bird. Nothing to worry about.
Seeing nothing for the next 5 minutes I get back to practice with the music a little louder this time. Brushing it off as my very high paranoia.
~~~
20 minutes goes by and as I spin in place I see a camera flash and black hair huddled to the side once again. Officially freaked out I called SeoYeon "Hey CEO Mae, could you come to the practice room? I need your help with something," I try to be nonchalant and as vague as possible in case the potential stalker or maybe murderer! Was listening in.
"Hanuel? Why so formal?"
"Oh umm. Sorry Mae-Nim, I just really need to speak with you... at the studio... in the practice room," struggling to keep my voice steady.
"Are you OK?" She asks suspiciously and I just hum a yes. "Ok well I'll be there shortly, was on my way anyway. I'm about 20 minutes out."
"Ok see you soon. Drive safe," I say but don't take the phone away from my ear till she hangs up. Immediately feeling equally calmer but also more anxious.
Sagwa begins pacing, picking up my crazy energy. Getting restless and running around as she tries to understand. I turn away from the window keeping my hands busy by rifling through my bag next to the cooler. Plenty of dog supplies, a change of clothes for after practice and a poorly packed sandwich for lunch.
All the essentials are there as I check over them once, twice, and before my third time, Sagwa starts barking and growling. I look up into the dirty mirror as two figures begin spray painting the window. Too stunned I just watched. As they write "Die in Hell."
I turn around and the figures stand there backing away and staring at Sagwa who is barking her head off and jumping at the window. Their faces are covered with black masks, thick sunglasses, and bucket hats. The only defining features was one had long black hair and the other had short black hair. One met my eyes, I think, and then pulled the other away and disappeared from the window.
The loud music mixes with her barks as I just fall to the floor "Sasangs actually came to my studio."
I can't even tell the difference from music, barking, and the pounding of my heart as I scrunch up knees to my chest. They planned this out. I held my head in my hands. Online attacks are one thing but this was way worse then I could have imagined.
Quietly I said "Sagwa, heal girl. We need to go." She quickly stopped barking and ran to me. Sniffing my face and licking my tears I didn't even realize I was shedding. "Come on," I pet her head as I pull out her leash. "You wanna go see Halmeoni? Let's go see Halmeoni," I connect it to her, grab my bag and head to the only place I could think of.
I speed walked down the short hallway and into the lobby. The front entrance door was made of glass and now covered in red spray paint "Bitch." I open the door and take out my key calmly but lock it with a shaking hand. I walk the short concrete sidewalk to the narrow road, passing our very sun faded company sign that on one point read "Yelloworks," and now read "Copycat-works." More tears fell down my face but I only sped up my pace. Practically running into the arms of the only comfort I had at the moment.
