𝕀𝕕𝕠𝕝𝕚𝕫𝕖 ~ⒿⒽⓈ~

13 - Not Crying

Curled up in Mr. Lee's arm chair, wrapped in a blanket and mindlessly petting Mugunghwa. That's where I've been since Halmeoni found me sitting outside her cafe door. I don't know why I didn't go in. Sitting outside waiting was the best I could think to do.

Sagwa didn't think so. After a few minutes of just sitting she got antsy and began barking, attracting Halmeoni's attention. She pulled me inside and gave Sagwa lots of pets. Sitting me on my stool before disappearing into the back. Not pushing me to say anything.

Then Mr. Lee came out and gently stood me up, leading me to his chair. "This chair is a lot warmer," before taking his beloved cat from the top of the chair and into my lap. Mugunghwa gently got comfortable and went back to snoozing.

Mr. Lee pulled a fold out chair from the back and sat it next to me, "Those stools are only for you young folk. I am too old to be supporting myself." Then gently pulls out 'Kafka on the Shore' by Haruki Murakami.

We sat in a comfortable ambiance. The only sound is of pages turning every so often, the clunking dishes in the kitchen and the sniffing of Sagwa as she shifts around worriedly at the feet of the chair.

I'm not crying and I haven't cried. I just feel so numb to everything. I should probably cry, let the emotion out but I can't.

Don't know how long but long enough for Halmeoni to finish cooking something delicious. The smell fills the air and wafts around floating from the back. I let my mind focus on that. The smell of cooking veggies, book pages, and the well worn scent of a home. My home. I don't know how to describe the smell of home. It's warm, it's cherry blossom perfume, it's love, it's fresh cut flowers on the counter, it's kind, it's the smell of the old books in a neat pile in the corner, it's friendly, it's the years of home cooking, it's comforting. It's what makes my mind so silent and my body relaxes.

I sat for a long while.

"So kiddo I made you some vegetable stew. You haven't been eating right so some real food should do you good and I made some homemade doggy food for Sagwa too. Chicken flavored, of course, her favorite." Placing an apple bowl on the floor and giving me the matching one and utensils. This must be a new set. It's pretty with 3D shaped apples bumped out a little and delicate blue design across the bottom.

"Thank you Halmeoni, Thank you Mr. Lee."

"Any time babe," Halmeoni says and Mr. Lee looks up from his book with a nod. As always a man of few words but his actions speak volumes. Halmeoni serves her and her husband a bowl as well in more matching bowls.

We eat in the peaceful ambiance. Finishing the stew with clinks of spoons and bowls. It's like the best music to my brain at the moment. No thinking, no yelling, no screaming, and no music.

Sagwa stands up quickly with her attention at the door. The three of us all watch her zip out the dog door. "Sagwa," a voice sounding from the main entrance's direction yells. I immediately recognized it, I would know that voice anywhere, even without the past few months. I would know the voice of the world known superstar that...

"I think that's Hoseok," Halmeoni says worriedly and Mr. Lee nods in agreement. "Now Hanuel, I know you don't feel well and I know only a little of why but I do know that you need to talk to him. Whether it be here, your own apartment, today, tomorrow, or some other place completely. Relationships need communication-"

"We're not-"

"Relationships of any kind. Friendships and romance," she interrupts my interruption.

Sagwa has stopped barking now but hasn't come back in and Mr. Lee stands to leave. Halmeoni takes his seat gently petting his book then placing it on the table behind her and turning to look into my eyes. Locking me with a gentle look. "Halmeoni I don't know what I would say...," I can't hold the stare.