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|Beyoncé Knowles-Carter| January 2nd Beverly Hills, California
I sat on the outside balcony, of the room me and my husband, Shawn shared with tears in my apertures once again.
Yesterday was the beginning of the new year and you would think the average human would be excited about it but I'm not.
The only good thing I have going for me is my 3 children. Their names are Rumi, Blue, and Sir.
Probably the best thing that came out of Shawn and I's marriage.
I'd been a mess for the past 2 months. Ever since I suspected my husband of his infidelities in our marriage my stress has been off the chain.
It was foolish, that this man has this much power over me.
Everything that came to mind went straight on to a piece of notebook paper. Writing my feelings down was something that calmed me. This is all I had been able to do lately. It was like a cycle.
Shawn comes home at 2 AM, leaves at 10 PM
I gazed out at the beautiful weeping willows in front of me. They were covered in white tulips which were one of my favorite plants. Tulips had such a meaning to me. They were so beautiful.
Everything in this house was beautiful and had a meaning to me. It was very expensive and was around 850 million dollars to buy but Shawn and I thought it was worth it.
My husband and I made many memories in this house. We even conceived the twins here. Spent year's building our empire and legacy just for him to tear it down.
TWICE!
This wasn't the first time I've suspected Shawn cheating on me. He's done it many times and I took him back like a dumbass.
I felt a tear creep down the right side of my red inflated cheek from the previous crying I had done earlier.
I slowly sighed and sat the yellow notepad and pen on the outside table.
As I crouched down in my seat I questioned myself and wondered why I didn't bother to go through Shawn's phone.
I knew why
I just didn't want to come to terms with it.
I know if I ever decide to go through his phone I will be devastated. I know I won't have the courage to leave him so why go through it?
