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| BEYONCÉ KNOWLES| March, 25th Beverly Hills, California
The clock read 7:02 AM as I lay as stiff as a brick under the fluffy white sheets. I don't even know why I'm up so early right now.
I stayed up all night thinking about the day prior. It was horrible.
Scared wasn't even the word to describe me right now. I was Terrified
Terrified at the fact that Onika found out about Shannon being over while she was away.
Terrified at what she might do to me once she got back.
Shannon was a childhood crush that I grew up with back when I was in Destiny's Child. She was a beautiful girl but I didn't have those same feelings for her. It was different.
I don't even think I'm doing anything wrong.
I know Nicki is upset with me right now. She literally blocked me on everything including my fucking email.
It's not that I meant to purposely upset her. It's that I felt bad for Shannon at the moment.
She contacted me about 2 days after Nicki left to go to New York to do some business.
She told me her Grand Father died a couple of weeks ago and she was doing horrible trying to cope. Of course, I felt bad for Shannon.
Her Grand Father was a terrific man who always did the right things. He was the one who raised Shannon for most of her life due to the absence of her father.
I invited her over right after she told me but j don't know why. I wasn't even thinking.
I allowed her to vent to me about the passing of her Grandfather and she ended up staying the night. She's been here ever since and she STILL hasn't left.
I just felt bad! She keeps threatened to harm herself and even commit suicide every time j tried to send her a hint to leave.
I could have just simply taken her out to dinner or met up with her somewhere but look where I am now.
I never meant for it to go this far I just care about her a lot. I don't want her to harm herself because of me, but she was going to have to go.
I didn't want Nicki to be more upset with me than she already was.
Shannon's boastful snores interrupted my thoughts.
