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|ONIKA MARAJ| May 28th Beverly Hills, California
Vacant and worthless.
I felt empty and mostly numb.
I just felt stupid.
I didn't mean to overreact, I swear. It's just something I do when I can't get my way with her. I knew I had quit doing that. I could tell how fed up and stressed out I was making her and that was something I never wanted to do. When she gave me that promise ring and promised she would never hurt me I took to heart.
It just made me feel weird that she actually wanted to talk or even associate with this man after he said the most vulgar things to her. He bought up her suicide, miscarriage and even threatened to kill my baby on her own door step. I just didn't understand how you would want that around your kids. I just don't get it.
When she went and left me it was like I automatically snapped back into reality. I had caught on to what she was about to do and did what I always did. Cried.
I cried until I got my way but only this time it didn't work. My world crashed on to me when she rejected the swift apologies I tried to come up with. Right then and there, that's when I knew she was over my shit.
Ever since that little incident happened last night I've just been discreet and silent. Not a word has flown out my mouth since. I couldn't eat, sleep, or even drink a glass of water because I was afraid of how she might react when I faced her again.
Even with her coming back home a while ago, my heart was still at the tip of my toes. Sitting still on the bed waiting for something to come out of her mouth and it never came. She didn't even look my way. That shit hurt me.
I sometimes wish I could change my ways just to please her but it seemed impossible. I wanted to change so badly but I just can't. That's just how I am.
Beyoncé coming out of the master bathroom connected to our room broke me out of the deep state I was in. She dragged her feet against the white plush carpet knowing I hated it. Petty ass
I watched her go from the closet to the restroom then back to the closet again. I don't know what she was doing but she still hadn't batted an eye at me. It was quiet and a hardcore tension came between us as she sat on the wooded bench at the edge of the bed. I wasn't talking first.
"Come here, Onika." Simple words yet so demanding. I slowly got up out of the bed and walked up to her with my head down. I was ashamed. I don't know how she thought or felt about me right now but I knew it was good.
