Trust me, babe

Chapter 2

Kathryn

I was at work, searching through empty fitting rooms to see if people had abandoned some clothes in them. My boss had made it very clear to me that one of my most important tasks in here was to make sure the fitting rooms were tidy and all the clothes were hanging neatly in their appointed racks so that customers could easily find them, fall in love with them and buy them — and not be disgusted by the messiness of the fitting rooms.

Honestly, I was always amazed by how much clothes were abandoned in the fitting rooms — especially on the fitting room floors. Like, hello people, didn't anyone ever teach you to take things back to where you took them from and, especially, not to abandon stuff on the floor where someone could slip on them? But I supposed I should just be grateful for their laziness as it meant I had something to do, even in moments like these when the store was void of customers. After all, that was the very reason I had taken this job; to have something to do.

My first couple weeks in Sydney had been really horrible. I had alternated between lying in my bed crying, and walking on the beach, still crying — though while in public I had at least been trying not to cry. It had been impossible to get Mikey and his betrayal out of my mind, even for a short moment. It had been impossible to feel anything but excruciatingly lonely.

In the plane I had still been hopeful that being in a completely new city with nothing to remind me of Mikey it would be easier to get over it all and move on. Just like it had been easier to get over Adam once I had left that boarding school in London and moved back to the States with Dad back when I was thirteen. But as soon as we had arrived here in Sydney I had realised it was not so. This time was different. Being here had proven out to be even harder than being in LA after Mikey's betrayal had been.

It had been ridiculous to think that bad memories and traumatising experiences couldn't follow you, even across the globe. They could and they sure as heck would. Just because moving across the Atlantic had worked in getting over Adam didn't mean moving over the Pacific would work in getting over Mikey.

That was probably because I had never really loved Adam. At least, not the same way that I had loved Mikey. I hadn't ever really thought about actually marrying him someday. It had been more of a fling for the both of us. A fling to make us feel better. For him to boost his ego with an exotic girl — a girl with an American accent instead of a British one — and for me to feel appreciated and less lonely in the school where everyone else had known each other for years and received weekly phone calls from their mothers. But with Mikey it had been real love. At least on my side.

There had also been advantages to LA which were no longer present here in Sydney — and which had never been present in the boarding school in London. LA had been familiar to me. It had contained all the hurtful memories for sure, but at least its familiarity, doubled with the comforting and faithful presence of Sasha and Kenzie, had made me feel less alone and estranged.

And not only had Sasha and Kenzie been there to make me feel less alone they had also been there to tell me again and again that what had happened between me and Mikey had happened because Mikey was a dick. Not because I'd be somehow worthless and unlikable. After arriving here in Sydney I hadn't felt that sure about it anymore. After all, Mikey had been the third person in my life to leave me one way or another. Maybe I should gather from it that there was something wrong with me.

So, all in all, being in Sydney hadn't helped me move on. It had just made me feel worse. With no familiar faces, no familiar places, nothing to spark a good, pleasant memory in me for a change, with no Sasha to comfort me, to talk soothing words to me, to listen to my outbursts, to bring me food and to offer her shoulder to cry on and with no Kenzie to crack a joke to make me forget about everything and laugh through my tears for a while, my mental health had just spiraled down even deeper than I had ever even thought possible.