Trust me, babe

Chapter 15

Kenzie

My whole body was still trembling when Jacky and I finally arrived at our hotel in Singapore — it had been trembling pretty much ever since our plane took off from LA nearly a day ago. But, now that the seventeen-hour-plane-ride was finally over, I could relax my sore and exhausted body for a while. Standing firmly on solid ground was so much better than just knowing that solid ground was down there somewhere and that you would eventually meet it — though in case the plane would stop functioning and fall spiraling down you would meet it with a crash and after a free fall of approximately seven miles.

"My hand is aching," Jacky complained as we walked through the hotel lobby towards the end of the line of other customers queuing to get to the counter where they could check in to the hotel. Some of them had been on the same flight with us.

"Shut up!" I snapped.

We'd had this little conversation, like, ten times since our plane had landed approximately an hour ago and I was so done with it.

"Honestly," Jacky persisted. "I don't know how I can take it again in only ten hours. I mean, my hand might just get some serious damage if you're going to keep squeezing it so hard for another eight hours."

Another eight hours. I couldn't help but feel a bit nauseous as I remembered that we were only in Singapore now and I'd still have to board another plane before I'd finally make it to Australia. Why the heck had Kathryn had to move so far away? Like, to the other side of the freaking planet? At least the next flight would be only half as long as the first one.

"Think about me," I told Jacky. "Your hand might be aching but my whole freaking body is shaking and aching! How am I supposed to make it through another eight hours? I won't probably even be able to calm my body down after the first flight before I'll find myself from a plane again."

Jacky grimaced. "Well, maybe we can at least sit so that you can squeeze my other hand on the next flight. Maybe I will then still have two hands that are at least half functioning once we make it to Sydney."

After a while Jacky and I had finally received our keys and made it all the way to our room on the tenth floor. I was feeling extremely exhausted; it had been an extremely tough day, maybe even the toughest in my life so far. It had been a huge mix of stress, insecurity, excitement and, of course, flight phobia. Now I just felt like I wanted to be alone in this room, throw myself on the bed and fall asleep.

But I couldn't do that, of course. Jacky was here too — this was his room too — so I couldn't be alone. Besides, we hadn't eaten anything proper the whole day so going straight to bed wasn't a very good idea. So, instead of throwing myself on the bed and falling asleep I told Jacky I wanted to take a shower and locked myself in the bathroom.

I glanced at myself in the mirror. My tired, insecure eyes, hiding behind my makeup, looked straight back at me from the mirror. I sighed. Then I got undressed and stepped in the shower, turning it on and letting the water wash over me.

I just stood there for a long while, eyes closed, trying to relax and calm down both my anxious body and mind. After a few minutes of standing in the shower, warm water falling all over me I had managed to relax enough for the breakdown to come. All the stress, insecurity and homesickness I had been feeling all day crashed over me as a huge wave and broke me into tears.

I was a bit surprised by the intensity of my feelings. I had realised they were there but I hadn't realised they were this strong. That was probably because I had been so concentrated on blocking and denying them, not willing to admit they existed at all — I never wanted to admit any insecurity I felt to anyone, not even to myself.