𝑭𝑨𝑳𝑳 𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬 .. ▬ 〔 i. midoriya x depressive! reader〕

08

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T/W: Self harm, suicial thoughts

Word count ; 740

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I looked down, not wanting to think about it.

 "Izuku, look, I really don't want to talk about this." I said, trying to push past him, but he only moved in the same direction as me.

"Y/N... why would you do this to yourself?" He whispered, taking my hand and arm into his hands.

He touched the bandages, unraveling them to reveal more of the cuts. The scars and the fresh ones.

"No...nonono...." He whispered again, his green eyes swelling up with tears as he pleaded. He then did the same with my other arm. 

"Y/N... why... please.. Just tell me why..." He looked at me, I could tell he was sincere.

I had tried to keep myself from breaking down, but it was his pleading that had broken me.

"I feel so worthless... I can't handle living in this world anymore..." I said, looking down as I let the tears that I held back finally let go.

"Waking up is so hard for me... I can't find the motivation to get out of bed... my life is hell, Izuku. The yelling, the fighting, the drinking... everything." I took a deep breath, trying not to breakdown there and then.

"I can't do it anymore. I just can't... I know you think I'm strong, but I'm not... this is me. I just... I hid it very well from you... from everyone.. I've felt like this for as long as I could remember, my arms and thighs have been this way for as long as I could remember."

Izuku looked at me, his eyes filled with a mixture of shock and worry.

I stared down at the floor, watching the blood from the wounds that I had never taken care of drip onto the floor.

I felt a pair of arms being wrapped around me, Izuku held me close to his chest. "Y/N... why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have helped you through everything..." He mumbled.

I couldn't muster up the strength to speak and when I tried only sobs came out.

Midoriya's embrace was warm. It was the first time I had properly been held for a long time. I finally felt like I was almost safe. Like his embrace was home.

He held me tightly, not minding that blood was getting onto his uniform. No words were spoken between us for a while.

I could tell he was trying not to cry as well, he was trying to be strong for me.

For himself

I didn't want him to find out this way.

I didn't want him to find out in any way.

But he did.

Did it change how he thinks of me?

What if I just lost my best friend?

Or potentially more?

(Small POV change here for a few paragraphs! Sorry 'bout this!)

Izuku was trying to wrap his head around everything, trying to understand why she would do something about this.

The fact that he wasn't there for her when she needed it, when she was going through all of this alone.

Midoriya is supposed to be her best friend. But he wasn't even there for her when she was breaking down. 

On the verge of suicide.

Yet he didn't even know.

And in result, she had resorted to a blade and pain to feel something.

How could he say he loved her when he couldn't even do one thing for her!?

Izuku blamed it on himself, because maybe if he was there, just maybe she wouldn't have harmed herself so badly.

Maybe her beautiful s/c skin wouldn't be tainted in blood and scars.

A tear slid down his cheek, holding Y/N closer to him.

He let the girl he loved and cherished most resort to harming herself.

(POV will go back to first person now!)

"I promise you, I'll help you through everything from now on, N/N... I'm sorry I wasn't there before... but I am now... maybe nothing is okay right now, but we'll make it okay, N/N." Izuku whispered, placing a hand on my cheek.

"I promise you."