In My Time of Dying

Chapter 3

                                                       Chapter 3

                                            "Unexpected Visitor"

The rest of the week passed in a blur of Lucca and Killian. Lucca and I had not spoken in depth since that first day and we only exchanged a few words throughout the days. The weekend was free of Lucca but I spent an entire twenty-four hours with Killian on Saturday, sleeping through the whole day.

Killian and I mostly just hunted, and we would talk, mostly about him. I found out he had three other siblings, all younger. He was very serious and brilliant, someone who didn’t like to beat around the bush. I couldn’t help but admire him.

It was almost a disappointment when I finally resurfaced to find Kahlan sitting on the edge of her bed, staring intently at me.

“You’re awake,” she exclaims and I nod, feeling almost guilty. I smile instead, fighting the feeling back.

I allow Kahlan to take care of me for the remainder of Saturday and all of Sunday. She sees herself as my caretaker and that makes me feel morose, as I have basically stolen her childhood from her. I could only wish now that I had been stronger.

“Kahlan,” I say catching her wrist and wrapping my fingers around it, “you know I love you and am sorry right?”

I was suddenly desperate for her to understand. Feeling shaken, I couldn’t help but want her to know how sorry I was that I hadn’t been there for her.

“I know, Vange.” Kahlan replies, her brown eyes shining up into mine. She hugs me before pulling her thin wrist from my hand.

“I think I need help” was the first thing I said to Lucca when I sat down beside him the next day. He looked up from whatever he had been doing and gave me an odd look.

“Why would you say that?” He keeps his voice even and I feel faintly irritated.

“If I tell you a secret, will you promise to not think I’m crazy and to keep it to yourself?” I breathe, feeling winded. I wasn’t one to drop my guard.

“I promise.” He says automatically and lightly brushes a few strands of my hair out of my face. His fingers leave a trail of heat across my cheeks.

“Do you know about my dad?” After he gives me a confirmative nod, I continue. “Well, I almost fell completely apart after he died. My mom just closed up and dove into her work, leaving Kahlan and I to cope and fend for ourselves. I think things would’ve completely fallen apart for me if I hadn’t had Kahlan to take care of.

“So everything fell back into place and I learned to live without my parents. I thought things might actually be okay until I had an accident. Do you know about this?”

He shook his head slightly but I got the feeling that he did. I didn’t feel like calling him out on this so I just played along.

“A few months ago, I was walking home and I stopped to look out over the valley. There’s a cliff about a mile from my house and that was where I was when I lost my balance and fell.” My head started to spin at the memory of the feeling of falling.

“You fell off that cliff?” Lucca looked stunned and I nodded wearily.

“I was in a coma for a few weeks. During that time, my brain forced me to relive my worst memories and it distorted a lot of them and sometimes even added something that wasn’t there before. And I lost some all together. I can’t remember anything before the age of 8 except some of the worst ones.

“So when I woke up, I was scared and still haven’t been able to recover completely. And I can’t focus for long amounts of time and I sometimes drift off into my own little world.”