Hopeless

Clean

I make my way out of the rehab center feeling proud of myself. I've been clean for two months and couldn't feel happier. I drive back to the city listening to music on the way. I decide to myself I need to make a stop before I go home. The lab. That's where I go, and I spend the entire day cooking. I bagged up all the meth and left.

I get home and lie down on my own bed, it's so comfortable. I flip open my phone and text Jesse. 'Hey. I'm out, come see me? I've missed you.' I roll over onto my side and turn the tv on with the remote. There's some documentary about puffer fish on.

This is so boring. I grab the meth and my phone and leave. I go to the bar, and cut a deal with the bartender. Then I drive to the motel and hit up the rooms that I know. How people live in hotels for months is beyond me, but I guess it's cheap.

I get into my car and check my phone. Text from Jesse. 'Can't tonight, super busy, maybe tomorrow? :/' Damn it. 'Yea alright tomorrow works.' I make a call.

"Yo."

"Hey Badger, it's Jess."

"Yo you're out?"

"Yeah man, wanna hang out? Jesse's being a bitch, busy and all that." I frown to myself as I say that.

"Gimme like an hour to get home and we'll chill."

"Perfect."

I end the call, and just sell more meth until the time comes to go to Badger's place. I drive there, and knock on the door.

Badger answers it and gives me a hug.

"Jess I missed you man."

"Aww you're so sweet,  I've missed you too. How's things been going?"

"Ahh not the greatest. Been broke since I'm not selling for you and Jesse anymore."

I think for a minute. Then I reach into my bag and pull out the meth, throwing it at Badger.

"This should help, sell it, smoke it, I don't care man."

"Thanks man."

At that moment I realized there was all sorts of chatter. I raise an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you I'm having a party."

"You're like always having a party. Get me a drink silly."

"I thought you were sober?"

"Off drugs. Alcohol isn't really that big an issue."

We walk into Badger's kitchen, and I see a lot of faces I recognize. I grab a beer and I smile when I see Skinny Pete and Combo. They walk over to me, both of them hugging me.

"Hey Jayjay, good to see you." Combo says. I noticed he's started to stretch his ears.

"Yeah it's great to see you guys. Nice spacers yo."

We chat for a while and I go to sit in the living room with a bottle of Jack. I see Devan making his way to me. It's actually nice to see him.

"Hey Jayjay what's up? Got any meth to sell."

Typical. "Go ask Badger about that. Is that all you wanted?"

"Nah, figured I'd try and ask you on a date, y'know since Jesse's got a new girl."

Ouch. That fucking hurts. "Seriously?"

"Yeah man her name's like Sam or something, she's smoking hot yo. But you're like way better than her. She's an oxy head too, got Jesse right into it. Look she's right over there. "

He points to a woman in an Adidas track suit. I get up and walk over to her. "You Sam?" I try and keep my voice calm.

"Yeah, who the fuck are you?" She sounds sassy and full of herself. Fucking bitch.

"That's not important. I need to talk to you, outside, too many people here."

She follows me outside, and I stand facing her, taking her in. She's tall, probably taller than Jesse. She's got black hair and light brown eyes.

"You wanted to talk so talk." She states.

"Yeah. Stay away from Jesse."

"Or what? Think I'm scared of you Jessica? I know all about you, how you broke down and started using heroin after Jesse dumped you? How you almost killed yourself. How you started using meth just because Jesse asked you to. You're pathetic."

I lose it. I swing at her face and hit. She grabs me into a choke hold sort of thing, and I managr to knee her in the stomach. She lets go of me and I hit her again in the nose. She retaliates and hits me on the cheek. I kick her in the knee, and she falls so I get on top of her. But I get pulled off her and spun around. My eyes meet my favourite pair of eyes in the world.

"What the hell is wrong with you Jessica. God, you can't just beat up a girl because she's dating me."

"She provoked me. I just wanted to talk."

"You don't talk with fists. Get it together."

"Get it together? Hah. I got it together. I did it all for you. Spent two months getting clean, because like you told me, it would help our relationship, since we decided to try and make it work again. But no you go and find someone else. Fuck it."

I turn around and walk back into Badger's house. I find a bottle and chug some of it. Fuck this. I walk upstairs and head into Badger's room. I see Badger snorting a line. I sit on the bed. I duck my head down and don't even question myself as I snort a line.

It feels so good. Fuck my life, and fuck Jesse.