Hopeless

Forbidden

"Yo. How'd you come up with that?"

" I'm a good liar Jesse. He's already questioned me before. I won't get you busted Jesse." I walk back over to the couch, and sit down. Jesse pulls out the rest of the joint and lights it. He pulls the meth out, and snorts a line. He passes it to me and I partake.

"We should go out, go for a walk." I needed some fresh air.

"Like now?"

"Yeah, like now. Let me just throw on a sweater and we'll go."

" You're already wearing a sweater."

"Yeah, but I want a different one."

I get up and grab a sweater from my room, my knife, and a messenger bag.  I go back into the living room and Jesse was already standing at the door. I grab a bottle and my cigarettes and put them in my bag. We leave and I double check that the doors locked.

"So Jessica, where are we going?" Jesse was walking alongside me and every so often his hand would brush against mine. It gives me shivers.

"Just this place I like. It's where I've been going when I just want to be alone with my thoughts."

" Jessica, you live alone."

"Yeah. But Hank likes to check up on me. Here I can actually be alone. We gotta go right."

We leave the sidewalk and take an over grown path. There's no lights so it's difficult to see. Jesse takes hold of my hand.

"Jesse...."

" What? It's dark out. You know your way."

Oh Jesse. You shouldn't be doing this.

"Okay yeah that makes sense.". We continue to walk for another fifteen minutes and finally get to my spot. It was an abandoned park. There was one streetlight here, which for some reason was still on.

The swingset was broken, the top bar had collapsed. The slide was covered in rust, same with everything else on the structure. There was a dinosaur figure that was missing it's head. The only thing still intact, was a plastic bench, facing the ruined park. That is where I lead Jesse to, and we sit down. I pull the bottle out of my bag and take a drink, then put it between us, and light a smoke.

" This is where I come, it shows me that something, no matter how damaged it is, can still be beautiful." Jesse was damaged, and I was too. " Sometimes I just need to try and believe it."

" No, I think you know that. I think you do believe that. I think it just reinforces the idea." Jesse takes a drink. " You seem like such a good person, and you have values. I'm not. I'm a shitty person and barely care about anything, barely care about myself. " Another drink.

I grab the bottle from him and drink some. " Jesse I beat the shit out of Erin."

" She disrespected your family. You did the right thing." Jesse lights a smoke. " I wouldn't have done that. My family doesn't care."

I take a drink. " I think it was more what she said involving you, that pissed me off. " Shit. I didn't just say that.

" What did she say?" Jesse drinks.

" It's nothing. Really."

" It was enough for you to smash her face in."

" She called me a junkie, then basically said she was going to fuck you, right in front of me."

I grab the bottle and take a chug. My visions a little blurry, but it always is, because I always forget to wear my glasses. I look at Jesse, and he puts his arm around me. I lean into him.