One shots - Phan

Feelings

This is a way of getting my feelings out. I don't know if I will even upload it. But I need to get them out some how. And this seemed the only way possible.

-

It was all going great. Myself and Phil making fun of the people who couldn't sing on the TV. We were cuddled up together under our duvets and blankets because our heating had broken and the man who was coming to fix it wasn't due til' the morning. I was sat between a pillow and his legs, the closest i had been to him in ages.

The break came and Phil sighed, leaning back and looking at me with his beautiful, sea-blue eyes.

Then it happened.

It went so fast.

Before I knew it my lips were pressed against his lightly, from myself leaning forward to him. Phil pushed me back and stared at my wide eyed, full of terror and annoyance. He blinked and closed his mouth which had made its way apart from the shock, before slapping me, clean around the face. With the back of his hand.

Hard.

I got off the sofa and ran to my room, tears already streaming from my eyes. Partly from the impact. Partly from my feelings. I completely ignored the fact that I was already freezing, and slammed my door shut, sliding down it and bursting into tears.

I should've known.

How could I have been so stupid? I don't even know why I did it. It was his eyes, they drew me in. I knew Phil was straight, I've known since I met him. But that's the thing.

I'm not.

And I love him to pieces.

The flat was silent except for my occasional coughs as I fought for my breath back after crying. I repeated this over and over, as well as listening for any movements from Phil. I heard him sigh and stand up, storming to his room and slamming the door. It made me cry harder.

I had ruined things between us.

For good.

-

Okay, so I'm done now. I feel a bit better. But I need to do more.