Winter Is Here // Game Of Thrones

Regret(Jaime POV)

It hurt.

So much.

Through my whole journey back to King's Landing, all I could think of was Audelia.

The look she gave me full of betrayal, pain and sadness. I would never forget it. All I could see was those eyes. 

All I could remember was the time we spend together. When she said that she could be my person in my corner. She loved me. She accepted me. Even though I was a cripple. She said I wasn't the villain in her story when I told her about how I betrayed my King.

And all I did was crush her heart.

It's what I do. I hurt those I love.

But it was the right thing. I would just ruin everything for her. She would have died in King's Landing. The pain I was feeling would get better with time. It would, I was sure of it. The pain I felt when my mother died passed, although I was young. Only a child. 

I hoped Audelia was alright. That she was safe with her family. That she would be happy.

She should marry a High Lord who is worthy of her, someone brave, gentle and strong.

Someone not me.

As much as that hurt, as much as my heart told me that I should run to her, beg her for her forgiveness, proclaim my undying love for her, I made the right decision. I would drag her down, and get her an early grave.

I made my decision about my life a long time ago, when I allowed Cercei to lead me to her bedroom. That day, I made my decision to stay with her my whole life. I regret it now. But it is a decision I have to live with.

Brienne has not uttered one word to me this whole trip. She kept glancing angrily at me but I ignored it. I knew she wasn't happy about what happened between me and Audelia. She saw Audelia in tears and broken as she ran away. 

We finally made it to King's Landing. The Bolton soldiers left as their job was finished and they went to brothels, I presume. I, Brienne and Queburn went inside the city however. 

I was supposed to feel happy, excited to finally be back home. With my family.

But who was my family? Where was my home?

I would never feel at home, or at ease again. Because of the feelings I have for Audelia. It was somewhat of a love at first sight. And now there was a hole in my heart in her shape, and I could never look at Cercei or any other woman the same way again. I just didn't have it in my heart to love Cercei any longer. 

Audelia was the only one for me.

And now that I had broken her heart, I would never get her again. 

I was somewhat relieved to finally be in a place I knew. But every hallway, every corner reminded me of the times I walked them with Audelia.

I walked through the grand hallway by the entrance of the palace where Audelia kissed me. I was very fond of that memory. I remembered the walk to my chambers, and on the way I had instructed some servants to prepare a bath. But first I had to see someone.

I knocked on the door, and a servant answered. She had black hair, and looked foreign, but I didn't care. I had to make sure she was alright.

"Lady Sansa?", I asked.

"Ser Jaime? What are you doing here?", asked Sansa confused and surprised to see me.

"Long story. Your sister was quiet involved in it", I replied, trying to laugh it off.

"Audelia? Is she alright?", asked Sansa, immediately concerned for her big sister.

"As far as I know, yes. She should be at Riverrun by now, with your brother Robb.", I informed her, and then lowered my voice.