Winter Is Here // Game Of Thrones

How To Keep Wanting Without Ever Getting (Jaime POV)

I didn't tell anyone me and Bronn were leaving. Not even Tommen, who was my King.

I knew they would try to stop me.

So we escaped during the night, and rode away on the King's Road. It was a long and hard journey, especially when we officially entered the North. The night's were the hardest, it was almost impossible to keep yourself warm but we managed.

I brought the notebook that belonged to Audelia with me. If she didn't want to see me, I would at least give her that. It would hurt to part with, but she needed it more than I did. It was her memory of her family.

Finally we saw Castle Black in the distance. It was the middle of the night and everybody was most likely asleep, but I didn't care. We finally made it.

As soon as we rode in, I got off my horse, without any help as I have had a lot of practice.

I looked around, sighing in relief that we were finally here.

A figure came over to me, and I recognized the man as Jon Snow. He has changed a lot. His hair was longer, and he looked like more of a man than a boy, since the last time I saw him. 

"Ser Jaime, a surprise to see you here out of all places. Did the King finally make the right decision to send you here?", asked Jon sarcastically and I laughed.

"No. I came myself but not for the reasons you may think", I began. "We need to help Audelia, your sister".

"With?", asked Jon.

"She has married Ramsay Bolton, the heir to Winterfell and the North. She is in danger with him", I began explaining but he put his hand up.

"She is not with him anymore", he said and I looked confused at him, and then at Bronn who seemed equally confused.

"Then where is she? Is she alright?", I asked, alarmed.

Jon looked at me sceptically. As if debating whether to tell me the truth or not.

"Why do you ask?", he asked finally. "Why did you ride here, across the world away from your sister, and son to tell me that we needed to help MY sister?".

Now it was my turn to debate whether I wanted to tell him about my true feelings for Audelia or not. But I didn't get the chance.

"He's in love with the girl", said Bronn, coming closer. "And he wants to save her".

Jon Snow looked back at me, with one raised eyebrow. Then his mouth broke out in a smile as he chuckled lowly.

"You", he began, pointing at me. "In love with my baby sister?".

"Yes", I reply, narrowing my eyes at him, as he laughed even more.

"You slept with your sister, and had three bastards.", he said finally, lowering his voice so only I, and Bronn could hear. I clenched my jaw, knowing that he also knew about my affairs.

"One of your bastards kill my father, my brother, and had the Boltons take control of the North. You pushed Bran out of the window. Do you honestly believe I will let you near my baby sister?", he asked, his smile falling and now he looked completely serious.

"Joffrey is dead. Tommen is King now. Besides, your sister had forgiven me for the crimes Joffrey commited. I was not even there when they cut off your father's head. I was a prisoner, of your dear brother Robbs. I wasn't there when Robb was killed either. I was on my way to King's Landing. I had no say in who takes the North.", I replied, trying to keep my voice calm. 

"But you pushed Bran, making him a cripple.", said Jon. "A 10 year old boy".

"I did", I replied, guilt filling my body. 

"I don't suppose she forgave you for that too?", asked Jon.

"She didn't know at the time", I replied. "Where is she?".

"She and Sansa are safe", he replied curtly.

"I want to see her", I declared. I knew they had to be here, if he said she was safe with Sansa. Where else would she be? No other place was as safe as the Night's Watch.

"I'm not sure I want you to see her right now", replied Jon.

"Please", I begged him. 

Jon looked at me, thoughtfully. Then he turned to someone behind him, and told him to bring us to our personal chambers.

"Jon-", I tried to beg him again.

"Tomorrow. She just got back, she needs to heal", replied Jon, and walked away.

The squire he was talking to led us to our rooms. Bronn had his own, and I had my own. It was so nice to finally get away from the King's Landing riches, and colors. The castle and the rooms here were so simple. Different shades of grey and brown. It was cold, too cold but it was also comforting in a way.

If Audelia were to accept me back. I will stay with her in the North. I didn't care. She deserved to be home, with her family. Or whatever was left of it. She needed to. And it would take time for me to adjust to the new climate but I would be able to do it. 

The North was beautiful, and much different. And it had something I never did.

I decided to go to the baths to clean myself. If I were to talk to Audelia tomorrow, I had to at least appear presentable. Thankfully, they were unoccupied, and after I was done. I started to walk back to my room, when I saw a figure at the end of the hallway that I jus turned to.

I never thought I would see her again.

She was so beautiful. With her dark brown hair in a simple braid, her ice-blue Tully eyes watching my every move. She seemed to be smaller than before, but it might have been my imagination. Finally she began walking towards me, at first her steps were small and slow but then they gradually began to be fast until she was practically running. I was rooted to the ground, still in shock and perhaps in denial.

But I didn't stay standing for long.

Next thing I know, I was on the ground, with pain spreading across my face. I looked up at her with wide eyes.

"What was that for?", I asked, getting up and I had a good look at Audelia's face. It was covered with healing cuts, and bruises. But she also had tears streaming down her face as she looked at me.

"For leaving me! For lying to me! For breaking my heart! You selfish, stupid, cocky bastard!", she yelled at hit my chest over and over again with every word.

"I hated you! I thought I wasn't good enough for the great Ser Jaime Lannister! Turns out you were just playing with my feelings!", she continued yelling at me.

"I wasn't trying to-", I began explaining but then she slapped me hard across the face, shutting me up.

"I loved you, and you broke my heart", she said in a quieter voice, and I turned to look at her. All the anger in her voice was gone, just leaving raw pain.

"I was trying to protect you", I whisper back to her. "I am sorry Audelia. I have tortured myself with the guilt the day you left".

"I still love you", I finally admitted. "I have always loved you.".

She looked at me, and for a moment she said nothing. I knew it. I had blown it. She doesn't feel the same way to me anymore. 

I am the stupidest Lannister.

The one woman I have ever loved, loved me once, and now I had blown it because I listened to my instincts and not my heart.

"I love you too", she whispered after another moment, making my eyes snap to her.

She got closer, jumping up into my arms and I caught her with ease.

She was so light and tiny. It was not healthy for her to be this small.

Audelia leaned in, and connected our lips together.

Gods the kiss was never better. It was absolute bliss. 

Her lips, although freezing cold, and dry were the softest thing I had ever felt. 

I couldn't believe this.

Audelia loves me too.