Winter Is Here // Game Of Thrones

With Love(Jaime POV)

warning: lots of fluff. I felt like we needed to take a break from the intense storyline for some lovey dovey.

Life in Winterfell was not something I had ever dreamt of or even thought of being a reality. It was so different here. It was cold, and everything was different shades of black and brown and grey. There was barely any laughter sounding in the hallways, or music. Northmen did not enjoy the same enjoyments as the Southerners did. It did not help that every time I walked out of the chambers, everybody would look at me like I am some demon that had crawled up from the deepest of the Seven Hells.

"It will take time for them to accept you like I do, but I know they will", tried to assure Audelia, and I knew that she was telling the truth, yet I found it hard to believe. North and South just don't mix.

But I was used to being stared at like I was broken, or something dirty. It was not unusual, I had been stared at this way for much longer than I wished to admit. For more than 20 years now. Longer than Audelia had been alive, yet she still loved me. I would never understand why.

I would never understand what she saw me in me. Especially when her beloved father had despised me so efficiently and successfully. I was the reason why she had to run to the Eyrie, to her aunt that almost killed her by pushing her out of the moon door, the reason she got into Littlefinger's grasps, and was sold to the Boltons like a piece of meat. I may not be completely blamed for what happened, but I was part of the reason it did happen. Part of the reason that she had scars on her body that would never go away. Scars in her mind, that would haunt and remind her for the rest of her life.

I could see the love in her eyes whenever she looked at me, and it still fascinated me to no end. I had never seen anybody look at me that way before. Not Father, not even Cersei, the woman I loved for most of my life. Not anymore. I had given up on her the same way she gave up on me. She used me for her own pleasures and desires, as if I didn't have any.

After Jon arrived in Audelia's office, and I was send back to the chambers, something in my mind clicked as I sat by the fire in one of the comfortable chairs covered in fur. I couldn't help but blame everything horrible that happened to Audelia on myself and Littlefinger. I had to punish him. Execution was too easy for him, to easy to talk himself out of, and even if he didn't, he did not deserve such a clean death. He needed to suffer at least a fraction of what Audelia suffered. But he would never suffer as much, not mentally and emotionally at least.

I had to make him suffer. And by making him suffer, I was making me suffer. Because sometimes, I wish someone would do that to me, to make me pay for every bad thing I've done physically, by beating me up or killing me. And not make me suffer through all the stares and whispers behind my back. Sometimes, I believe that dying would be the solution to every one of my problems, and at least some of other people's problems. But I also knew how much Audelia would hurt if I died, how much she would curse my name if I did leave her. So I held on. 

Of course she was beyond livid when she found me in the Cells. I had gone behind her back, and I really did not want to make her angry. She gave me such a tongue lashing, it scared me more than Cersei ever did. But after the meeting and the execution, she pulled me with her towards our chambers, and..... apologized for going off on me. I was beyond confused. Why was she apologizing? For something I did?

"But why?", I asked and she looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, her bottom lip a little pushed out than normal.

"I yelled at you, and I'm sorry I did that", she explained but that still confused me.

"I deserved to have been yelled at, Lilibet. You don't have to apologize", I argued, completely lost.

"No you didn't. You were just being protective. To be honest, Littlefinger deserved all of it. I was just scared of what would have happened to you if the plan didn't work out, and Littlefinger did somehow wiggle himself out", she replied rubbing her face tired.