Where Did You Sleep Last Night? || Kurt Cobain

45. Serve The Servents

"Maybe I should give you two some time to talk." June said, doing anything she could to weasl out of this akward situation that could just get even more uncomfortable to be in at any given moment. "Krist and I will get going. Joan has to go down for a nap soon anways." The young woman picked up her purse, allowing it to hang tightly on her shoulders and dangle close to her hip. "Call me if you guys need anything, okay?"

The bedroom door closed, and with that June was gone and I was forced to be complelty transparent about what I was going through with Kurt. I had my reasons for not being complelty honest, but Kurt most likely won't wrap his head around it.

His addiction was fragile. Seems anything could set it off, and before I'd know it he'd be laying in our bed a dying man again. I just couldn't let that happen.

"I'm sorry for not telling you." I said abrubtly, letting out a small hiccup as I tried my best not to cry. I lowered my head, not wanting to see the look of defeat and regret in his eyes. I looked up, but staring directly at the wall. "I just didn't wanna upset you. Or hurt you more than I have already."

"Oh Hedi." He said quietly, shaking his head slowly in disbelif. He wrappes his arms around me, pulling my body close to his. He went quiet, kissing the top of my head before tightening his grip. He freed one of his hands to remove a strand of hair from my face. I finally got the courage to look him in the eyes. "Don't ever feel like you can't come to me with stuff like that."

By now, I wasn't able to control the tears. "I just don't wanna loose you Kurt. I've never let go of that fear that one day you'll walk out on me or you'll drop dead suddenly. You're everything to me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had even partial responsibility for something like that happening."

"I would never leave you." He rested his forhead against mine and left a kiss on my lips. "I want you. Nobody else. Just you. Okay? You're the reason I was even able to give up heroin in the first place. I'm not going anywhere okay?"

Still teary eyed, I nodded slowly, extremly touched by his words. "So you're not mad? Or upset?"

"No." He paused, taking a drag off his freshly lit cigerette. "But that's one of the reasons you've been drinking so much, isn't it?"

"It's not the only thing Kurt." I admitted, shy and ashamed. "I don't wanna drink like I have been. Being drunk just makes me forget everything."

"Sometimes you don't wanna be so sedated you down right can't recall anything though. There's some things worth remembering."

"I guess that's why it's lame to have sex drunk. It could be the best sex ever and you won't even remember it happening." I joked, causing a temporary giggle among the two of us. "Why are we such a mess?"

"We wern't made for stability. The boring people are." He mumbled as he took another drag.

"Since when are you so philisophical?" I inquired, leaning my head on his shoulder. "You could be a writer for a greeting card company."

"I suppose you're right." He shrugged before kissing me again. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

"Okay." I whispered and nodded, leaving another kiss on his lips. "I just need you to stay. I need you with me. Forever."

"I promise. Forever."