46. I Ain't Got 17 Days

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The hardest part of getting sober is admitting you have a problem. Ever since I stopped doing drugs I was caught in a delusion that I'd never have a problem with addiction again. I was in such denial that I wouldn't even let my own anxieites about the truth of my situation seep in even after watching Kurt go through his struggles and brush with death.

After my major break through, I began to look at alchohol in a totally different light. The thought of getting drunk and dealing with hangovers the next morning was a dreaded memory now, and I recently made a vow to myself that I'd never want to be that person again. The greatest day of my life was set to arrive after the tour was over, and I wanted nothing more then to remeber the whole marriage ceremony.

Kurt wouldn't stop saying how proud he was of me. Ever since I agreed to quit drinking-- or at least try to quit, our relationship has improved sigmifanctly as my amount of time spent sober gradully increased. The toll it had taken on my friendships would also be mended. The only thing I was worried about was being on tour with Kurt and being exposed to all the drugs and alcholic drinks.

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