Endless Summer Nights

15.

Meredith rolls out of bed. It is cold. Novembers are so cold in New York. She looks out the window at the snow falling lightly. A sigh escapes from her lips as her hand drifts down to her abdomen. It isn't obvious, but it is there. A small baby bump.

She reluctantly swings her legs off of the bed. It is cold in her apartment. She can't afford to keep the heater on all the time. A shiver runs through her body. A shiver from the cold. A shiver from the loneliness.

She hugs her arms around her frail body as she looks out the window. The people passing by look so happy. The children when their parents are oblivious to the troubles of the world. What she wouldn't give to be that naïve child again.

Her alarm goes off. How long has it been since she has actually woken up to the alarm? Her sleep is haunted by images of him. Of his fingers trailing along her skin. Of his chuckle warming her blood. Of his arms surrounding her and protecting her. Images that pain her. Images that she should take comfort in, but they pain her.

She steps into the shower, the only place that she finds comfort. The hot water warms her cold body as it massages her tired muscles. Tired from the eight hour shift she worked last night. Tired from the restless nights. Tired from constantly missing him.

She looks down at her slightly swollen abdomen, the water trailing down her breasts and over her stomach. A stomach that is housing her growing child. Their growing child. She closes her eyes as her fingers dance across her stomach. She imagines a son. A son that looks just like his father with his bright blue eyes and dark curly hair. A son that giggles as he runs into his father's open arms. A father that is there. A father that completes their family. A father that is her husband.

She sinks down onto the floor of the shower, tears now running down her face.

Meredith: What did I do? What did I do? Oh God, what did I do?

A sob shakes her frail frame as the enormity of her decision comes crashing down on her. Because of her their child won't have a father. Because of her he will never know that he has a son. She should have told him. She should have let him know. She should have given him the choice to be there. She should have, but it is a little late for should haves.

The water chills, removing the few remnants of warmth that remain. She forces herself to her feet, her body shaky. Shaky from the cold. Shaky from lack of food. Shaky from the emotional turmoil that is violently coursing through her body. She braces herself against the wall as she tries to regain control over her body. She inhales deeply before exhaling slowly. She can do this. She has to do this. She has no choice.

She reaches down and turns off the now cold water before stepping out of the shower. She has class. She has to go to class with Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Shepherd who reminds her so much of him. Dr. Shepherd who has been so kind to her.

She gets dressed quickly and heads out the door to the one place she is able to find solace. She finds solace in his classroom because he reminds her of him and any reminder of him is better than nothing. Her thoughts wander as she makes her way to the busy campus. She wonders what his reaction would have been if she had told him. She wonders how he would be like off of the cruise liner. She wonders if he would be constantly worrying over her and needing to take care of her. She wonders. She wonders about things that she will never know.

She sighs as she steps onto the campus. She used to love the winter. She used to love curling up in a warm blanket with a hot cup of cocoa. She used to. But now. Now the winter seems to be nature's expression of her complete desolation and loneliness.

She reaches the classroom out of breath. She is tired, both emotionally and physically, and breathing has become a painful task at times. Especially as the cold air fills her lungs, making even the necessary task of breathing painful.

She pushes the door open to the classroom and is shocked that the only person in the class is Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith: Dr. Shepherd?

Dr. Shepherd looks up at Meredith and smiles warmly at her.

Dr. Shepherd: Meredith. Did you not receive my email?

Meredith blushes as she fidgets with her watch.

Meredith: No. I...um...I don't have the internet at home.

Dr. Shepherd: Oh. Well, I made class today optional because of the weather and as you can see, everyone else decided to stay at home.

Meredith: Oh.

Meredith looks down and starts to walk out.

Dr. Shepherd: Meredith?

Meredith turns and looks at him.

Dr. Shepherd: How would you like to come and have dinner with my family?

Meredith stares at him, shock on her face.

Meredith: I don't want to impose.

Dr. Shepherd chuckles. A chuckle that sends chills down her spine.

Dr. Shepherd: You will not be imposing. My wife has been dying to meet you.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip. She is hungry. It has been a while since she has eaten a good meal.

Meredith: That would be nice. Thank you, Dr. Shepherd.

Dr. Shepherd stands up and places his laptop in his bag.

Dr. Shepherd: I just have to stop by my office and then when we can go.

Meredith: But...it's only 10AM.

Dr. Shepherd chuckles.

Dr. Shepherd: Yes. Yes it is.

He pauses and then looks back down at her.

Dr. Shepherd: Well, I could give you my address or you could go ahead and come over. It's Friday, which means the whole Shepherd clan will be there.

Meredith bites down on her bottom lip as she contemplates her choices.

Meredith (in a whisper): Okay.

Dr. Shepherd: Okay?

Meredith smiles at him.

Meredith: I would love to spend the day with your family.

Dr. Shepherd smile an all too familiar smile at her as he rubs his hands together.

Dr. Shepherd: That's settled then. Let's go.

Meredith follows Dr. Shepherd out of the classroom and to his office, neither aware of their significance to one another.