Endless Summer Nights

43.

Meredith tilts her head back and giggles as Derek's fingers dance across her swollen abdomen. Their son is very active today, almost as if he feels neglected and is demanding attention.

Meredith has been staying with the Shepherd for two weeks now. She is now able to walk down the stairs unassisted and is going to be going back to class after Thanksgiving Break. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is tomorrow and she has no idea what to expect. She has never had a real Thanksgiving. She has never had the turkey and the dressing. She has never had the overly large family sitting around the dining room table as they tell embarrassing stories. She has never had any of that, but she will have it all. She will have it all tomorrow and she has never been so terrified. Tomorrow she will also meet all of his sisters and their families. She has been able to avoid it until now because of her volatile condition, but she could no longer avoid.

Derek has been great, catering to her every need. He has helped her study as she lie in bed with her laptop. He has helped her not get behind. He had helped her not feel alone like she has since she left him sleeping on the cruise ship. He has helped her to start feeling like Meredith again.

"I have something for you," he says with a bright smile as he reaches for something under the bed.

Her eyes widen. "You didn't have to get me anything," she whispers as a blush begins to enliven her otherwise pale cheeks.

He chuckles. "You always say that, but I will never listen," he says as he pulls a heavy bag out from under the bed.

Her brow crinkles in confusion as she notices that the label of the back says University Bookstore.

"I noticed that you didn't have your school books," he says as he dumps the contents onto the bed, spilling several heavy and expensive textbooks onto the duvet.

Her eyes widen. "Derek! Those books...expensive...you didn't...you shouldn't have..." she stutters.

He chuckles as he leans forward and brushes a strand of hair out of her face. "Shut up and accept the gift. I also got the books you will need for next semester, but I thought you could use these now...that way you can start studying for finals and really get caught up. You supported yourself and our son on your own for five months, not it's my turn to take care of you," he whispers. "Just let me take care of you."

She looks at him through tear filled eyes. "Okay," she whispers as a smile begins to form on her mouth.

He beams back at her. "Good," he says happily as he leans forward and kisses her forehead. She can't help but lean into his touch.

"So, I've been thinking," he says as his hand returns to her abdomen.

She giggles. "Uh oh," she jokes.

He smirks at her. "Smartass," he mutters as he feels a hard kick against his hand.

Meredith giggles again. "I don't think our son likes you calling his mother a smartass," she jokes.

"Or maybe he was just agreeing," he says with a shrug. "Anyways...like I was trying to say before you so rudely interrupted," he says in a exaggerated voice.

Meredith rolls her eyes.

"I've been thinking we should start thinking about names..."

Meredith sits up on her elbows. "Names? But I'm not even six months..."

"So?" Derek shrugs.

"So, isn't it a little early?"

Derek smiles at her. "Nope," he answers simply.

She studies him for a minute before she narrows her eyes at him. "You already have a name in mind," she accuses.

He smiles sheepishly as he looks up at her. "So what if I do?"

"Well, what is it?" she asks, her voice a bit lighter.

"I was thinking maybe we could name him Michael, after my father," he says in a careful but hopeful voice.

Meredith smiles at him as she reaches up and runs her fingers through his hair. She isn't sure where the impulse came from, just that she couldn't deny. Derek sighs at the sensation, almost as if she has relieved some sort of discomfort.

"I think that sounds perfect," she whispers as she reaches for a book the sits on the bedside table. She opens the book and writes something on one of the pages.

"What is that?" Derek asks as he furrows his eyebrows, a few tears present in his eyes from her acceptance of the name.

"Oh...this is his baby book," she whispers.

"You've already started one?" he asks with a proud smile.

"Yeah," she whispers embarrassed, "it was probably stupid...but I...I never had a baby book...and I want him to be able to look back at it and read it...and know that he was always wanted..." she rambles.

Derek smiles warmly as he reaches forward and grasps her hand. "I think it was a brilliant idea," he whispers.

She blushes again. "Thanks," she whispers.

"Can I see it?" he asks curiously.

She bites on her bottom lip as she nods and hands the book to him. He opens the front cover and sees the positive pregnancy test. He smiles until he reads the date below the test. He sits up.

"Wait," he says in a strained voice. "You knew you were pregnant that last night?" he asks hurt.

The color drains from Meredith's face. She had forgotten about that. "I..." she begins as she looks down and nods.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks a bit harshly.

"I...I was scared...and I didn't...I didn't...we said no connections after the ship...and I...I didn't want you to be angry or feel betrayed..." she mumbles.

"So you didn't tell me?" he asks again as he runs his hand through his hair. "What if fate hadn't brought us together again? What if I never knew? What if I had a son that I never knew about?" he asks angrily.

"I'm sorry," she whispers as the tears trail down her face.

Derek gets up off of the bed as he sits the book down next to her. "That's not good enough," he whispers before leaving her alone.

As she watches the door slam shut, Meredith begins to sob uncontrollably.

"What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?" she repeats as she curls into a fetal position and begins to rock herself.

The wounds that have begun to heal over the past few weeks have once again been ripped viciously opened, but this time it feels as if salt has been rubbed in them as the pain is more intense than ever before, and this time, her drug isn't there to help ease the pain.