Endless Summer Nights

27.

A knot forms in Derek's stomach as they navigate the roads towards Meredith's apartment. He can't help but notice the dilapidated state of all the buildings around him. His grip tightens on the side of the chair as the anger towards himself and towards Meredith's mother grows.

"I should warn you, Derek. Meredith's mother cut her off financially, so I'm not really sure what we will find," his father says in a soft, sad tone as he watches his son wage an internal war within himself.

Derek turns slightly in the passenger's seat and opens his mouth to speak when the car comes to a stop.

"Here we are," his father states simply as he places the car in park.

Derek turns to look out the window and he feels his heart drop as his eyes scan the old, run down building. Tears burn the corner of his eyes as he takes in the chipped paint and cracked concrete that make up the exterior of the building.

He doesn't speak and he feels as if his entire body has gone numb as he exits the car. He gazes up at the building, images of his Meredith struggling flashing before his eyes. A hand on his shoulder brings him out of his reverie, but does not recall him back to his body as he numbly follows his father into the building.

His feet feel like lead shoes as he climbs each stair, unable to suppress the feelings of guilt as he wonders how many times his tired Meredith has been forced to climb the creaky stairs while he lived in his nice apartment. Quietly and distractedly he follows his father up the several flights of stairs, each step, each passing floor, only adding to the weight supported by his shoulders, an image of Atlas in the modern world.

His father sighs as they stop before a door that looks like it has been kicked in several times in the past. "Well....here we are," he states as he pulls out the key.

Derek feels the bile slowly begin to rise in his throat as his father opens the door and a gust of the cold, winter air hits him in the face. He forces himself to follows his father into the front room of the apartment. He slowly glances around and it's not what he sees that bothers him, it's what he doesn't see. There is no television. There are no rugs or simple decorations. The only thing that sits in this room is a run down couch that he would probably never even sit on if it didn't belong to Meredith.

The tears threaten once again, but he forces them to stay at bay as he walks past his father and into the kitchen. He stops in his tracks and his face turns a pale shade of green as he sees a horde or roaches running across the counter. There is no food sitting out, so he knows that the roaches are not a result of slovenliness, but of the building itself. As he looks through the cabinets this thought is confirmed even further as there is no food to be found.

He hears his father's footsteps hit the floor behind him as he braces himself against the refrigerator. "She has nothing," he whispers in a tone laced with venom. "She has nothing and I have everything. She...and I...and this...and..." his words come to a screeching halt as the bile forces itself up his esophagus. He leans over the trashcan as he heaves violently.

His father is immediately at his side, rubbing his hand up and down his back. "It's not your fault, Derek. You cannot keep blaming yourself. All that will do is cause you to become this dark and angry person and it will benefit nobody," his father says as Derek straightens up and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What am I supposed to do?" he begs as he turns around and faces his dad. This is not a man asking a man for advice, but a son asking a father.

His dad smiles a soft smile as he shrugs his shoulders slightly. "You be there for them now. You do everything you can to make things easier for Meredith..." he says as he gently squeezes Derek's shoulder. He turns to walk out of the room, but stops as he reaches the doorway to Meredith's bedroom. "I think you should do this. You know her better than me and I'm not sure how she would feel having her teacher snoop through her things," he says before turning around and heading back into the living room.

Derek inhales deeply before taking a step forward, unsure of what to expect when he enters the room that he knows will show more of Meredith's character than any other room of the apartment.