Energy - Loki x Reader

Concerns

The past few weeks, you've done a good job of hiding your pain from the others. A few of them have expressed concerns that you're not dealing with your dad's death, that they'd be more comfortable if you were crying, but they don't know how you cry yourself to sleep every night, or the nightmares you wake up to every morning. One night, when you think everybody's gone to sleep, you pull out the quiver you found atop the roof the other night, as you do every evening. You tell yourself if nobody sees you cry then it doesn't count. You're coping. You're fine.

You've put the quiver away by the time someone knocks on the door, not giving you a chance to invite them in before barging in on you. You panic and turn away from the door. 'Y/n? My device won't stop making this incessant noise and Thor refuses-'

You turn to face him, wiping your cheeks to mask your face as best you can. 'Loki, first rule of mortals: Knock.'

He looks up at you in surprise, taking in your undoubtedly puffy face. 'Oh.' He points back to the door, clearly uncomfortable. 'I'll just throw it away.' He goes to walk out and you curse yourself, but you can't resist, not knowing how comforting his hand was at the funeral.

'Loki?'

He turns back, trying to avoid looking at your face. 'Yes?'

You fold the corner of the duvet over, exposing the right side of the bed. 'Do you mind... Can you stay? Please?' As you knew you would, you regret it immediately. There are a million reasons why you shouldn't have asked that question. He's a murderer. He brainwashed your father. He's selfish. He's unable to take anything seriously. You've only known him for a couple of months. But despite all this, his presence feels so calming, like it makes sense. Hesitantly, he looks between you and the door. How embarrassing, you think to yourself. He's going to find some excuse to leave. Humiliating.

'If you tell anyone I did this...' He starts, before clicking the door shut and seating himself in the space next to you.

'Yeah, like I'd want anyone to know I asked.' You wipe under your eyes again before scooting closer to him, feeling bold and placing your head in the crook of his neck. You'd always contemplated how comfy it would be, he looked like he'd be uncomfortable, the tendons in his neck looking too solid to be a good resting place, but your head fits so perfectly there, like it's meant for you. You shake your head. Stop it, you scold yourself. This is only because he came in, not because he's your first choice. You pull the covers over you, sighing at the warmth it brings.

There's a tranquility between you two, but you can sense some tasteless joke brewing. 'I knew you'd give in eventually,' He says. There it is. You roll your eyes and sniff.

'Don't be a dick.' You try to say it seriously, but you can help the laughter that bubbles up. 'Thank you for staying. I know it doesn't quite suit your image.' His chin tilts to look at you, but you can't see his face to decipher the expression he makes. You can sense him contemplating what to say, but he just picks up your remote and turns the TV on to some random show you've never heard of. Unaware he's doing it, his thumb rubs small circles along your shoulder, and you fall asleep like that.

Loki's pov

Come morning, y/n and Loki were still in the same position, having slept through the entire night dreamlessly. He woke before her, his thumb still hooked in a strand of her hair, but he couldn't help but notice she'd moved closer, arm slung across him. He watched her carefully, trying to ignore the guilt. He knew he should tell her, but he didn't see why. Surely, he didn't have to, it would only bring her pain. No, he thought to himself. He wouldn't tell her, not until they knew each other better, and he thought she could forgive him. For some foreign reason, he felt protective of her, and he refused to hurt her, not like he hurt every one else he got close to.

He wanted to leave before anyone could see him like this. The others couldn't see him so gentle, and they couldn't see her associated with a monster like him. But he didn't want to move, didn't want her to wake up alone. She stirred, rolling off him and unconsciously tucking her pillow under her neck where he had been. He sighed. She couldn't know he cared about her anyway. He slid out of the bed with a cat-like stealth, ruined by the clammer of Natasha waltzing in.

'Hey, y/n, we were hoping-' She froze when she saw Loki, holding a finger to his lips and pointing to y/n, still out like a light, curled up under the duvet. 'Tell me you two didn't...' She trailed off, grimacing.

'What? Don't be dim, of course not,' He started, just as disgusted. He smoothed his hair down and picked up a charger from the bedside table - the first thing he could get his hands on - and presented it to her. 'I was just borrowing this.'

Natasha nodded, unconvinced. He went to walk past her but she grabbed him by the elbow. 'You know, that's so weird, because I've been up since 6 and didn't see you come in here'

He pushed her off him and replied, 'Of course you didn't. I'm the God of Mischief, if I don't want to be seen, I'm not.'

She stepped out of his way, allowing him to pass her. He got halfway down the corridor when she called him again. 'Loki?'

Exasperated, he turned on her. 'What now?'

'Why do you look guilty?' She asked suspiciously. He didn't think he'd been obvious, he liked to think he masked his emotions well, but, if left unchecked, his face did have a tendency to give him away. He bows as he backs away, mocking her, and winks.

'Well it is my natural state, Miss Romanoff' Once he's turned away, he drops the smile from his face and allows the shame to show. The truth will come out eventually, it's just a matter of how soon, and who will expose him. He heads to the roof, where he used to watch Clint shoot targets in silence, appreciating the simplicity of his company.

Y/N's pov

You wake up, unaware of what happened an hour ago. You stretch out across the bed, feeling only the indent where Loki had spent the night. You open your eyes when your hand can't find him, only for your heart to sink when you see your door open and him gone. What did you expect, you ask yourself. Idiot. You can't help yourself though, you head to find him, unsure why you feel drawn to the roof. You trudge outside, blanket still wrapped around you, and boost yourself up to the roof. As you'd expected, he's there. You take a moment to admire the way his neck cranes over the edge of the roof, sloped like a swan dipping its head under water. His ebony hair is stark against the dawn sky and his own paper white skin. 'Morning.' You don't know what else to say. He looks surprised to see you, as if he didn't hear you boost yourself up.

'You're awake,' He states. You furrow your brows and walk to stand next to him, positioning yourself the same way he is. 'I've always preferred Earth mornings to Asgard mornings.'

What an endearing detail, you note, silent to allow him to continue.

'Asgard is too silent. Everybody's sleeping in because they were drinking until 2 the night before. There are no birds chirping. But here... everything's alive.'

'Is that what you were thinking about?' He frowns at you, so you explain. 'You looked in thought when I came up here. Were you thinking about Asgard?' You ask. He looks back to the horizon, then down at his hands, rubbing his thumb up and down his palm.

'I was just thinking about your dad.' He freezes once he's said it, like he's forgotten who he was talking to.

You tilt your head and bend so that you're in his line of sight. 'What about my dad?'

'Nothing,' He states, fidgeting. His lack of stillness convinces you he's hiding something. He's almost always composed, unless he's feeling guilty.

'Loki.' Placing a hand on his shoulder, you nudge him around to face you. 'What about my dad?' All jokiness has left your tone, you're clear in your words. Serious.

'Drop it, y/n' He snaps, striding past you. You stare at him, shocked at his sudden shift in mood.

'What's the matter with you? What aren't you telling me?' You say to his back. He jumps off the roof gracefully, leaving you alone on the roof to speculate, to think the worst.