As Long As You Need

47-Making Up

Brady is standing in my doorway, a sad smile in his face. 

It takes me a minute to remember I haven't answered him. 

"Yeah come in." I say but it comes out as a whisper. 

Brady takes a deep breath before entering my room and sitting down at the edge of my bed. 

"You look awful." He says and I laugh, "Thanks." I say dryly.

I can't tell what he is doing here, I mean we talked some during spring break but barely. And it was just to discuss a truce for dad. 

"I'm sorry." he blurts out holding my gaze. My chest tightens. He's sorry?

I furrow my brows, "For?"

He sits further back in my bed running a hand through his hair, "For being an ass, for everything actually. I just there is something I need to tell you. Promise you won't hate me?"

I can see the vulnerably in his eyes, I can hear it in his voice. Whatever it is he's scared of admitting it aloud. 

"I reach out and grab his hand squeezing it, "I promise."

"I'm gay." He says looking away from me, almost as if he's ashamed. 

I squeeze his hand letting him know I am here, "Ok." 

He looks back up at me, "You're not mad?" I shake my head, "Why would I be? If you like guys, you like guys."

Brady seems to release some tension in his shoulders, "I've known for a while actually. Since middle school-"

I nod thinking I know where this is going. 

"Noah was supposed to be my best friend, but I thought of him as something more. Something I couldn't have. I knew he was in love with you and I think I blamed you in a sense. It's not fair I am aware but I couldn't help it. 

I was jealous. Jealous because you could have the one thing I couldn't, the one thing I wanted. I was so angry at myself, at you, at the world. I thought if I cut you out as much as I could, maybe just maybe he could see that I was enough for him.

But no matter what I did every time I looked at him he was looking at you. At dinner, in the halls at school, in the cafeteria. Everywhere Bailey. Then I would catch you looking at him sometimes, with the same starry eyed look he gave you."

A tear slips from my eye. 

"Sophomore year I had enough of it, I got super wasted and I-I kissed him."

Brady swallows nervously. 

"Of course he pulled away saying that he loved me but not in that way. So I yelled at him said things I didn't mean and dad heard. He didn't know what went on between Noah and I just a few minutes before but I was so mad at dad for taking Noah's side.

I hated everyone in that moment I think. The next day Noah came over and apologized. It wasn't his fault but he felt bad and I told him I didn't mean it, that I was drunk and it was stupid. 

I eventually started dating Chelsea, trying to convince myself that I was normal-"

"You are normal Brady." I say and he shakes his head.

"Would someone normal want their best friend and hate their sister for it?"

I sucked in a sharp breath. 

"When I saw you two together it was like everything came crashing down around me. It killed me seeing you together, more than it should have. I said things that I didn't mean and I am so sorry Bailey. 

I realize now what I did, what I said. I need you to know that the two of you are perfect for each other. I see the way you guys are around each other and maybe one day I will find that, so don't give up on that. 

Don't lose that because you guys might be going to different schools. It's a lot to ask but fight for him Bailey."

I wipe the tears from my face, "But what if he doesn't want me to fight for him?" I ask barely above a whisper but he hears me. 

"He's a man Bailey, he's dumb but he's not stupid. He knows going to Stanford is the best choice for him not only academically wise but he can still play football. He's just worried you'll feel suffocated if he follows you out there."

I furrow my brows, "Why would he think that?"

Brady smirks, "Well it could be the fact that he was always over at our house. He pursued you first didn't he? Noah probably thinks giving you this, this freedom is what you really want."

I shake my head, "That's the farthest thing from what I want."

"Then tell him that."

I nod wiping my nose on my jacket, well Noah's jacket. 

"I'm sorry too." Brady looks taken aback, "What for?"

"For not being there for you like I should have. You were clearly going through something and I brushed it off."

He shakes his head, "It was on me Bailey." Extending his arms he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. 

"I missed you." I say into his chest."

He laughs, "Missed you too little sis."

Grumbling I pull out of the hug, "I am older asshole." He smiles, "But I am taller."

Rolling my eyes I punch him in the shoulder. "I don't even know where Noah is right now." I say thinking about it. 

I knew he went to stay at a friends place, but I didn't know where. 

"I know where he is." Brady says and I look up at him, "Where?"

He rolls his eyes, "All I'll say is he is missing you just as much as you are missing him." And with that he plants a kiss on my forehead before leaving my room. 

I sit there thinking about what just happened. Brady's gay? How did I not notice? 

 Also what does that mean? 'he is missing you just as much as you are missing him.'? What does that have to do with where he is?

I pace around my room trying to figure it out, why couldn't the asshole just tell me where he is?

I play with the pendent around my neck, the one Noah got me. Then it dawns on me. Like something clicks into place. 

The park.