LOSIN' MY MIND|| POLO G

twenty-one🖤

one week later

december 22, 2019

nylasia🧸

"y'all gone let me use my phone or not?" i asked, voice raspy as hell.

"forget about a phone, you needa worry about that breathing." my mama said fixing my pillow.

"when can i go home?" i asked drinking some water.

my mom kissed her teeth sitting down, "you can't even go to the washroom yourself ny."

i mugged her, "thanks fa' reminding me."

"you gone walk again soon girl, you just need to rest okay?" she said kissing my forehead. "i'm gone get you more clothes from home."

i nodded my head, and she left the room closing the door behind me.

i gotta learn to walk again. i thought to myself, how am i going to continue my  modelling if i gotta learn to walk again?

i'm not talking to my dad right now after what my mom told me what he said to tremani. i feel like shit just sitting here and doing nothing, i can't do nothing on my own and ion like that.

they got me in here like a prisoner, i got physiotherapy soon though.

"i got you yo clothes." christian said, darrall behind him.

i nodded my head, "where mom go?" i asked.

he sat in the chair next to me after the both of them gave me a hug. "she had a meeting she had to go to, you chillin' with us today."

"you know when you finna get out?" darrall asked and i shook my head.

"i got physiotherapy soon," i sat up, "y'all what if i can't walk no more?"

christian mugged me, "you betta get to walking cause i ain't finna do shit fa you all the time."

i shook my head, "you wrong as fuck. somebody gotta help me change though."

"huh? oh yeah im coming right now. would love to help you but they need me in the ER." christian said leaving the room.

i kissed my teeth, "that man ain't no doctor. help me up darrall."

he helped me up leading to the washroom, "its shiesty to you g."

"no the fuck it ain't. now hand me my shirt right there." he sat me on the toilet going to get my shirt.

"how long they said its gone take you to get back walking?"

i took my shirt off, putting on the other one, "i only need like a month of therapy cause the bullet didn't destroy my knee. but they said it ain't gone feel the same."

"he came to see you yesterday, you was knocked the fuck out though."

i nodded my head, he took my back, setting me on the bed. "that's all i can do in this hoe, sleep."

*
*

omniscient

"nylasia, you can go as slow as you want. you don't have to make it through today." her physiotherapist encouraged. she was currently in physiotherapy trying to finish her walk to the end of the bars.

she had only got five steps in. she shook her head, trying to continue but her eyes kept getting blurry because of the tears streaming down her face.

"i have to do this." she mumbled to herself.

she thought that if she couldn't walk to the end of the bar, what could she do? not only did she feel like a burden to everyone around her, but she felt as one to herself.

her thoughts were the reason that she's falling into a deep depression, the fact that this could ruin her chances of modelling. which was what she always wanted to do with her life.

she was independent, strong, always doing things for herself to become what she wanted to be without the name diddy following behind her. but that was the past her, now she thinks that without the use of her leg; she's useless.

having her mom check on her constantly, having others watch over her, watching her very move. and ultimately not being the independent girl she is, makes her feel like she's nothing.

that there's nothing she can do to contribute her life too.

she looked back at her physiotherapist, noticing that she didn't move far and turned back around in her direction. "i can't do this. i just want to go home."

her physiotherapist nodded, handing her her crutches. christian came back with some snacks, frowning at the fact that she had tears in her eyes.

"lets go." she demanded heading to the car.

christian just nodded, trailing behind her.

he just hoped his sister wouldn't lose herself.