Am I even there?|Tommyinnit angst

Thinking. (4)

After the call Tommy was in complete shock. Dream proposing that they get a big mansion so they all can live together? That's gonna be on Tommy's mind for awhile.
He also thinks that this is gonna take big convincing to even take a airplane to America. Tommy wonders why dream even wants him there, is it because he wants content or genuinely just want him there to hangout? Tommy didn't know what to think.

All he knows is that he needs to make a decision sooner or later since he does have a couple of weeks to think about it and to let his parents know about it as well. Tommy didn't know what he'll do once he got there, hide in his room all day because he's insecure? Probably. He is kinda the person that would do that just to be alone and not worry anybody.

Tommy was having those bad thoughts again. Those thoughts that told him what to do and he'll end up doing it like, to ruin stuff or hurt himself. He didn't have control of them since they were new and he didn't know how to stop them. He knew they were happening but he didn't know how to stop them. All he know what to do is that he needed to lock himself in his room so his parents didn't see him like this. Tommy was scared to tell his parents about this.

When was the last time you've eaten Tommy?
"Not for a bit I guess." Tommy's mind has been asking this to him for awhile now.
You guess? This is very important to our image. Why must you be so careless?
"I don't know why I am."
You know why. You are just so stupid to realize.
"No I'm not stupid."
Yes you are everyone notices. Everybody thinks you are annoying and stupid.
"So why does this have to be about my image though? My body is perfectly fine."
You seriously think that? Everybody thinks you are fat. You know what being fat does to you? Slows you down, and people notice. They won't care for you and they never will.
Tommy decided to shut up after that comment.

Tommy didn't like the voices he was scared of them. Scared of what they would do, they even started to convince him that his friends hated him and he started to believe them.
Tommy went to bed later than he usually would and wake up really early and that messed up his sleeping schedule bad. Since the voices last up to hours of them talking in his head and he ends up going to bed late and waking up to film videos or go to college or just to simply go for a walk to wake him up to torture himself more so he can barely even stay awake for the day just like the voices insisted on him doing.

Tommy was just desperate for the voices to stop but he didn't want people to worry about him especially his friends and family. He knew if he spilled out to his fans, they would just tell his friends since they "worried" about him. Tommy didn't want that to happen so he just keeps to himself so he doesn't worry people. He doesn't like to worry people as you can tell.

Tommy finally started to go to bed at 4:00 AM and woke up at 6:00 AM to start the day just so he can barely stay wake. Just like the voices told him to do. The voices always came up with new ways to torture Tommy but Tommy still compiled because Tommy thinks he deserves it. He doesn't know how to make them stop.

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I hope you guys liked this chapter, and I'll be making a new chapter soon during the week or maybe even Tomorrow If I have enough motivation to, but have a great day/night and goodbye! :)