Pride

Chapter 13

"Boy, get your ass up. You're sulking around like some chick" Christian snorted before roughly kicking Arran's mattress. "Come on, get up"

"You should have just let dad kill me" Arran groaned into his pillow. He meant it too. He should have just let things happen. Then he would have died knowing he loved Emrys and would have never had to deal with the heartbreak of losing him. He could have been done with this world, free from all of the hurt and pain, and just be himself. For the first time in a long time, he knew who he was.

He was Arran Harley. He liked working on cars, he liked his coffee without sugar and he liked listening to Bon Jovi. He was gay and liked boys with bright smiles and an endless supply of jokes. He was in love with Emrys Lopez, his closest friend since childhood and Emrys loved him too. He loved the smell of wet grass and loved to swim in the creek in the Summer. He loved going on long walks and songs about an old dirt road he grew up on. He was Arran Harley.

But it didn't matter that he finally knew who he was. It had mattered when he was with Emrys because that was the only place he was allowed to be himself in. Now, without Emrys, it didn't matter in the slightest. Not when he wasn't allowed to be Arran Harley, but instead had to be another duplicate of the misogynistic, homophobic, and racist Harley's that had come before him.

"Quit being a pussy. You're hanging out with me today and I'm gonna help beat the fag out of you" Christian proudly announced. Arran rolled his eyes. He knew Christian genuinely believed it was possible due to Winston's teachings. He also knew that Christian was incredibly misguided by those around him and just didn't know any better. That didn't mean he didn't want to punch his brother for even suggesting it.

"You don't think I've tried that?" Arran scoffed. "I like boys. Alright? Get over it"

"You just haven't met the right girl. And besides, what's the harm in trying? It's better than sulking around all day" Christian scoffed. He grabbed onto Arran's arm and easily began to tug him out of bed. Arran groaned in protest and yanked his arm away.

"Alright, alright. I'm up" Arran groaned. He shoved his hair out of his eyes and forced himself to stand up. He was exhausted from lack of sleep. He found it almost impossible to sleep in his own bed. He missed falling asleep to one of Emrys' stories or to this arms wrapped around him. He missed feeling loved and wanted for a change. He reluctantly headed to his dresser and threw on a white tank top and grabbed a pair of jeans before tugging them on. He grabbed the familiar belt and began to push it through the loops while Christian talked.

"I was doing some research" Christian began. "There's this church that fixes people like you. They say reconnecting with your masculinity can fix it" Christian began. Arran rolled his eyes again. He loved Christian, as much as he hated to admit it, but he was a complete idiot sometimes. He kept reminding himself that Christian genuinely believed he was helping, but it was becoming harder and harder to remain in understanding.

"Just because I'm gay, does not mean I'm not masculine" Arran scoffed. And that was the truth. Even in some other universe where Arran was open about his sexuality, he would never be the type to paint his nails or wear cropped shirts. Never the type to listen to Lady Gaga or wear bright colors for pride. Even in a world where masculinity wasn't forced onto him by Christian and Winston, he knew he'd still dress the way he did. He'd still be a masculine person and that was one of the few things he was actually comfortable in.

"You fuck dudes. That's pretty fucking feminine to me" Christian scoffed.

"First off, I've never slept with another guy so you can shut up. And second, me kissing Emrys is about as feminine as you slapping Cameron's ass every time he walks by" Arran scoffed.