I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 19: Logan

Despite how ridiculously attracted I was to Ellie again, I wasn't ready to fully admit the truth to her about my two-year drought. I wasn't sure how she'd react if I vomited my feelings about how she'd ruined other girls for me, even sex. I'd had plenty of offers, girls had even thrown themselves on me and tried a forced kiss or offered blow jobs, but I'd pushed all of them away.

"Yeah, well I'm surprised you haven't had plenty of action since," she muttered quietly, grabbed the Safeway grocery cart out of my hands, and pushed it past me towards the last two aisles. "Or, at least offers."

"I did," I answered honestly since I knew Ellie fished for the information. "A lot but nah. You're the last one I was with."

Even our terrible first and only time having sex, intimacy with Ellie after I'd realized I loved her made every other physical contact felt fake. Like a giant sap, I wanted everything, not just detached pleasure that I'd done before and felt like shit about once I'd had a real relationship.

Once you have the best, nothing else compares to it.

A twitch of life in my dick reminded me of another obvious fact.

Her blow jobs were mind and dick blowing.

At that though, a flush of warmth spread downwards and my pants tightened with interest. I was still a guy, with hormones and physical needs. With the long distance, just the memories of some of the times we'd been together had been enough spank bank material.

Even though I'd been Ellie's firsts of everything, including just her boyfriend, the fact we'd gone slower through the bases had made everything better once we'd gotten there. She'd slowly and quietly developed a sense of confidence that had only drawn me in further, until everything Ellie-related was snuffed out completely at the end.

While I understood why Ellie felt the way she did because of her parents house arrest response when they found out about Ryder's assault, I wished she'd have handled our break-up differently. She hadn't allowed me to help her with her depression and the cold shoulder that followed for weeks, then months after her vague 'don't contact me' request stung just as much.

She never said she didn't want to see me again because she said nothing at all.

Even now, I knew by her physical reactions that Ellie was attracted to me again but she definitely had reservations, even a look of fear and apprehension in her eyes when I blatantly flirted so for now I just pushed her reactions. Because of how high up her guard was, for her sake more than mine, I wasn't ready to tell her my full feelings yet. Despite the fact I would've shouted how I felt about her from the top row seats of Huskies' Stadium if that'd work, I wasn't sure if she was ready to hear what I had to say.

Word vomit like how she's the last one I was with because she's the only one I want... probably won't help right now.

At first, being alone and celibate wasn't a conscious effort. I tried to get to know a couple of girls at UCD, ones I'd met in my classes. But they were usually after something different and when I got to the point where I knew them more, they were missing something. I needed a few weeks but a very sobering moment happened. After one girl forcefully kissed me at a party freshman year, I felt no reaction other than how she just wasn't Ellie.

I hadn't picked my major until I transferred to UW, but the UCD girls I at least attracted hadn't taken school as seriously as Ellie, which was a high bar since she was her high school's valedictorian. With my Dad's history of drinking problems and my own bad track record with girls when drunk in high school, I still abstained, which made me socially pretty boring. Even friends or classmates didn't have the right mix of witty sarcasm but a pure, genuine, caring heart that I wanted.