I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 39: Logan

When Ellie and I first dated, she had an annoying flight-habit where she got upset, then left without knowing the full side of a story, particularly mine. After a few headaches when we first met, I learned that if I refused to let her go then she was reasonable and heard me out, but eventually she stopped doing it. She couldn't have shocked, or disappointed, me further than when she'd walked out tonight.

I knew she wasn't petty enough that she tested my interest or my resolve to see if I chased after her. This time I was positive that she ran away not from me but herself and her own feelings.

And I was damn determined that I wasn't going to let her do that.

While I felt bad for her being upset, part of me was relieved when I saw Ellie's emotional breakdown. The six weeks before we'd broken up, I'd seen glimpses that she struggled before she cut me off completely. She withdrew into herself, pulled back from expressing her true feelings and opinions, and just... silenced herself.

For two years, I had no idea how she was affected, or if she was still affected at all, after our breakup. I was a mess to anyone who unfortunately saw me, really truly saw me. My tone of voice hardened with my broken heart, my temper shortened, and I had zero patience or tolerance for any form of dramatics. Ellie's only signs were slight improvements in her physical appearance shown on her food blog videos, none of which she posted between when we broke up and when our senior year of high school ended.

Hearing nothing at all was worse than if she'd yelled at me because at least then I would've known how she felt.

Now, Ellie looked completely happy and healthy on the surface, a surface I hadn't minded checking out every chance she wasn't looking if I was completely honest. Her emotional walls were high and thick but I meant every word when I'd told her I wanted all of it. Last time I'd seen her, she'd pushed me away and closed off any and all access into her heart and feelings. Selfishly, that wasn't good enough for me anymore, so after I made sure I'd calmed down, I chased after her and brought her back until we talked this out.

I knew Ellie couldn't have gone farther than a walk around the building because she'd left her keys but Wes and Charlie's apartment was the logical first stop. No part of me wanted the setup where I'd cracked open her shell and left her raw with two supportive friends who didn't know the full story. I not only wanted but needed to be the one who helped her pick up the pieces.

That's what you do when you love someone. You're there when they're at their bottom point, not walk away when they need you most.

Ellie had some low points in her life, more than anyone with a heart as big as hers deserved. None of what happened in the past was her fault and I was surprised that most of her current lows were self-inflicted, but her emotional lows were still better than anyone else's highs.

Emotionally, she was all over the place while we talked, cried, laughed, kissed at one point, and I was completely confused at some points. But overall, I was so grateful to see her, the real her that she'd probably hidden from herself, that I took anything and everything that she threw at me.

Selfishly I want all of it, even her negativity, doubts, and concerns.

The only part that bothered me, other than how upset she'd gotten, was that she doubted my feelings about her and even suggested that I was only interested in the Ellie I knew in high school.

Sure Ellie was still the prettiest girl I'd ever seen, her values were the same, and her heart was huge, but she wasn't a completely different person. And what I'd seen so far that was different, as I'd told her, I liked. Even the ugly cry version of Ellie drew me in because she was raw, exposed, and just... real. Despite her reservations, nothing about Ellie was ever an act.