I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 38: Ellie

"P-P-please hear what I have to say first," I mumbled out pathetically. I wasn't sure how I'd gone from I planned to ask for Logan's forgiveness to berated his feelings, then ran away and brought back, but I wanted him to know everything.

And then see if you still have the same feelings.

At the rush of negative emotions that thought churned inside me whenever this topic came up, I clapped my hands over my eyes and rounded my spine. With slow, uneven breaths, I fought against the urge to ugly cry freely, but flinched when a pair of warm, rough hands gently wrapped around my fingers, lowered my hands, then led me one slow step after another until we sat across from each other.

Once the sofa's springs groaned under our weight, two blue eyes, deep with concern, looked down on me while Logan's hands lowered mine to my lap. After he gently squeezed them like a silent assurance he wasn't going anywhere, he released my hands and shifted slightly back.

"S-sorry," I whispered and averted my eyes.

This is embarrassing. He's probably really confused because I've made everything about me.

"Ellie, I'm sorry," his voice softly washed over my ears. Warmth wrapped under my chin when one of his hands guided my gaze back to his. The tortured look in his eyes tightened my chest like a vice grip and I inhaled sharply. "I shouldn't have teased you so much this early. Me being here is a lot to deal with and part of me just can't help it. I'll -"

"No." I curled my fingers around his and lowered them to the sofa between us, where I tightly squeezed his hand. "I... I'm the one who should be sorry. Two years ago, I... shouldn't have done... what I did."

His gaze softened when I cupped my other hand up to his cheek. "I'm so sorry," I whispered as two lone tears trickled over the corners of my eyes. "Cutting you off, I was... wrong. So wrong."

"Ellie..." He pressed his larger hand over mine into his cheek and stared at me without a blink. His blue eyes looked so vivid, like a waveless ocean on the clearest summer day and I hated myself for the emotion that I'd put in them. "You were in a shitstorm, anyone -"

"No..." I swallowed hard and fought against the inner wall of restraint and self-preservation that resurfaced whenever our past came up. "I shouldn't have treated you that way, you... didn't deserve that. I could barely function but I definitely didn't handle things well between us."

If anything, my teasing with Logan also pointed out another obvious fact.

Still not handling things that well.

"With what you went through..." Logan's jaw clenched shut under my palm and the guilt that lingered in his gaze tore me up inside. "I saw what happened... I wanted to be there for you, but -"

"But I pushed you away," I finished for him. While the explanation felt stupid as the words passed over my tongue, I offered, "I thought it was best."

"I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt..." His hands moved, gently cupped around my jawline and, like he used to do, his thumbs stroked gently over my cheeks. The rough pads of his thumbs dragged the remnants of my tears away and he held me as gently as porcelain. "But I know why you did it."

"Y-you do?" My tears beaded up again, blurred the concerned look on his face that I still hadn't convinced myself that I deserved from view, and spilled over freely. Raspy breaths heaved my chest unevenly, but I sniffled in and breathed out slowly. To Logan's credit, he sat silently, just held onto me until I calmed down.

"B-b-because..." I pulled back out of his hold and swallowed hard against the emotions that painfully churned inside me. My fingers twitched to snap my right wrist band, but a warm hand left my face and clamped down before I reached there.