I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 22: Ellie

"Hi Eleanor." The familiar yet slightly blurry face of Dr. Sterns appeared on my laptop for our video call appointment.

With my busy schedule at school, I had occasional appointments with Dr. Sterns but the more time had moved forwards, I'd felt like I'd actually needed her help less. I'd needed a lot of time before I went from the person who barely said a few words on her sofa to being more directly confrontational instead of overthinking things like I had a habit of doing.

The summer before my freshman year, I met with Dr. Sterns two, sometimes three times a week. We made a lot of progress, especially towards my forgiveness of Jake, then Harper. I wouldn't have called what I felt towards them total forgiveness, more acceptance of what had happened. Probably part of me would never understand why they'd prefered a secretive sex-only-no-feelings relationships, particularly behind my back, but I wasn't concerned with being judgmental on their life choices with each other.

My parents were an issue that I pushed aside and accepted that time healed some wounds. I wasn't sure if I'd ever forgive how they'd treated me like the fourteen year old that had been assaulted when I'd told them three and half years later. Instead, I contently assumed that was their own way, even if a really fucked up one, that they showed they cared. In the short-term, they exercised little influence over my life decisions at college.

What I hadn't expected once I'd arrived at UW, after my parents had left, was how free I felt. No one knew me here, my past, my baggage, my... issues. I'd had a couple of Dr. Sterns calls when things felt very stressful but I relished in my new independence.

I was given an opportunity to start fresh, forget my own directions, and make my own decisions. No one on campus knew me and, because of the NDA, they'd never known about my assault and legal past.

Until now.

"Hi Dr. Sterns," I replied and gave her what I hoped was a polite smile. "Thanks for meeting with me."

"Of course." She smiled and shifted slightly in her seat. I recognized the light yellow walled background of her office and the professional accolades that hung in large plaques behind her desk that peeked out from behind her brown-haired head. "You just moved up there for your junior year, right?"

"Right." I nodded and a slight sense of apprehension rolled my lower lip under.

She averted her brown eyes for a moment and the tip of a pen twitched in the lower corner of her screen. "New living situation, or same roommate?"

"That's why I wanted to speak with you," I took in a deep breath, then exhaled sharply. "New living situation."

Now there's an understatement.

Dr. Sterns had met remotely with Charlie once. I'd had a breakdown halfway through my winter quarter our freshman year, after Charlie had caught me while I read one of Logan's post-game summaries on my laptop screen. One explanation had led to another, although I hadn't explained the Ryder situation.

All Charlie, and probably Wes, assumed was that I'd experienced something pretty bad during high school and legally wasn't allowed to talk about it. Sometimes I wondered what their thoughts were on the subject but they'd just resolved into my protective friends, which I was grateful for on more than one front.

"What's the change?" Dr. Sterns' question grabbed my attention back.

"My roommate Charlie got engaged," I started and rested my elbows on the dining room table.

"That's wonderful news." A flash of something appeared in her eyes. "Where does that leave you?"

"Well..." I said slowly. "She told me on the ride up here that I'd just swap and live with Wes' roommate, a transfer student..."