I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 43: Logan

I don't like it. Not one fucking bit.

The idea of Ellie on a date with another guy, despite how she thought they were just friends, nearly burned a hole through my chest. The more I thought about her with any guy, but in particular Seth-the-fuckboy-Brooks, I wanted to punch my fist through a wall. Any wall worked, even the old brick on all of these buildings, and Seth's face was even better. Preferably I used my non-throwing, left hand but either fist worked.

The only reason I relented was the look in Ellie's eyes, how they practically begged me to trust her. On one hand, I was happy she'd told me. She'd opened up more and I was relieved and encouraged by what she'd told me so far. Since she herself believed somehow she was different, I wanted to know everything about her again.

Even further, I wanted her trust, that foundation cemented back in place because that was how she'd be my Ellie again. But so many of her thoughts and words were double-edged swords. My ego appreciated how she thought about me related to her favorite flowers, but how she then pushed the reminder away for that reason stung more than I admitted to her.

If I thought deeper on my anger, I was irritated at Ellie's decision to go on 'friend-dates,' but more upset at the uncertainty of the entire fucking situation. I wasn't a control freak and wanted Ellie back on her terms, not mine, but her mixed signals chewed at my patience.

I was a patient guy, my past with Ellie demonstrated that I'd always been happy that our relationship progressed on her terms. But I was not okay with my ass on these sidelines while she dated around until she figured out what she wanted with me.

She even kissed me, for fuck's sake. Twice.

I'd thought missing Ellie from a distance was painful, but our current in-limbo situation was borderline torture. Physically, she'd kissed me and moaned my name in the shower. Initially that witnessed event hadn't ended well but, once I was clear-headed in more ways than one, I was flattered by her attraction. Despite how she tossed in her sleep, her presence next to me provided a sense of comfort.

Emotionally, she looked at me with interest in those dark, beautiful eyes, blushed under my comments, and even held my hand. Just the way I felt when she hugged me verified that girl belonged in my arms and no one else's.

All of me, some parts in particular, appreciated when she initiated kissing me just for bringing home her sofa, which only cemented how badly I wanted her. She was right here, in my own two arms, but she wasn't mine.

I can't even tell her all this because I don't know if she'll run like a scared rabbit again.

A slow, deep breath surfaced the painful, obvious truth.

I can't force her to feel things she's not yet ready to feel though.

Appreciation of the progress we had made aside, I wasn't naïve like she thought she wasn't. Guys only asked out girls they liked, including at the rock climbing wall when James looked at Ellie like his long-lost love had returned.

My feelings weren't that I hadn't wanted Ellie to have any friends. Completely the opposite, I was truly, honestly happy that she had friends here. Honestly, I was relieved when I'd learned Charlie, Wes, even Darrius, who hadn't known her full background but had her back in any situation. I wasn't sure about James but there was no fucking way Seth wanted anything other than him in her pants.

I knew I walked a tight line here and badly wanted Ellie's trust back. The last thing I wanted was to be a controlling asshole, she was obviously an adult, and maybe I had nothing to worry about.

Ellie's right, she asked me out.

And I'll tell her everything and we'll deal with it together.