I Hate Football Players 3 | 18+

Chapter 30: Logan

When Ellie first mentioned she planned that we had dinner at Charlie and Wes' apartment on Friday night, I wasn't initially excited about that. After practice, when Charlie verified with me before the pep rally that we were still coming over, she had also called Wes a 'grumpy midnight pumpkin,' whatever the hell that meant.

Despite a lot of Charlie refills into Ellie's wine glass until poor Ellie's cheeks wore a permanent spread of pink across them and she giggled a lot more, I actually couldn't have been more grateful for that dinner. Even Ellie's reworked leftovers tasted amazing and while I hadn't torn into mine quite like Wes had, my plate was definitely empty by the end of the meal.

During most of the dinner and post-dinner conversation, I sat back and listened while the three of them caught up on stories from their freshman and sophomore years. The table setup reminded me of my Sunday night dinners with the Prakashes, although their dinner topics were more about Sashwhin's dissertation progress, Nallini's hobbies of cooking and sewing, and Dal's school. I had teammates and classmates at UCD but kept myself pretty isolated and my neighbors turned into a nice, grounding extended family.

I should call them Sunday.

Sunday dinners with my neighbors usually lasted about two hours, included more than one round of food so I practically rolled myself back across the hall. I usually hung out with Dal beforehand though. His favorite activity was kicking a soccer ball but I'd convinced him a few pigskin tosses weren't the worst alternative.

The Prakashes were a very reserved married couple in terms of PDA's but during dinners, Sashwin reached across the table and casually held Nallini's hand almost the entire time. The gesture served as a bittersweet reminder that, at one point in time, Ellie was my family.

My memory lane trip put a slight damper on my mood during dinner but I happily absorbed whatever Wes and Charlie told me about Ellie. The version of Ellie that they knew and talked about sounded a lot like the one I'd known and hoped still existed. I learned that she needed a lot more prompting out of her routine schedule, even though she impressed me with how hard she studied even during the first week, but was still willing to try new things. She also seemed a lot more directly confrontational but I'd already seen that myself. Full honesty, I was more than slightly turned on by Ellie's forwardness when she chewed out Darrius and shut down Emmitt during Human Anatomy class.

The one exception to Ellie was how guarded she was with me. She was closed-off when we first met because of her assault experience, like a form of self-preservation, but she had no reason to be now because I assumed no one else knew. While part of me was relieved that she hadn't dated around or been snatched up by some other guy because who wouldn't fucking want her, I was slightly concerned about why I assumed she was closed off.

Something's holding her back.

She hasn't forgiven me, or maybe she hasn't forgiven herself?

She could've knocked me over with a push from one of her delicate fingers when she asked me out on a date. Part of my ego was bruised that I hadn't asked her first but there was no way in hell I'd have turned that offer down. Truth was, I waited to make any real moves until after we'd talked. Despite how she'd tested my restraint with flirting, Ellie's emotional walls were up so high that the last thing I wanted was that I ruined my chances from the start.

I worried that she first thought that I'd agreed to the date out of pity but the truth was that a giant fucking knot twisted in my chest when she asked me out. The longer we sat at the table after dinner and talked, the longer I held her hand and absently stroked my thumb over the valley of soft skin between her index finger and thumb like I used to, the tighter my chest knot got.