Soulmates

47- IF YOU WERE WITH ME TONIGHT

He was in Rio de Janeiro and tommorrow had to perform a show over there. Cancelling his show in Sao Paulo, he was feeling really low. After a long break he spent with his girlfriend and family the last leg of tour brought much anxiety for him. The tint of this ongoing anxiety he felt in his Asian leg of tour but now it became bigger. After constantly playing more than 100 shows, his voice was losing it's base and strength. He wasn't feeling well and was recommended a vocal rest before but he thought that rest would be enough for his vocals to work for his Sao Paulo show. Unfortunately it wasn't the case and the day of that show he woke up suddenly feeling like losing his voice turned out to be a severe sinus infection which made him to skip the show or he was going to lose his voice.

South American leg of tour, the last leg, he was probably most excited about, just ruined for him. He had a big regret and a guilt. Seeing his fans cheering him outside his hotel should've made him happy and it did but the guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach just increased. He was ashamed, ashamed of letting them down, ashamed of not returning the love he was getting. His father was there with him but talking to his mother as always made him relieved. His sister also played a major role in making his mood good and of course, he was surrounded by his best buddies on tour.

Who left? His girlfriend? Yup! Did he wanted to let her in? No!

It was the huge dilemma, he was facing at that  time. At one hand, he promised her that he'd be as vulnerable before her as possible and he did show his vulnerability to her but now he just couldn't. Reality was that when he was with Camila, he couldn't hide his emotions. She had some magical power which always made him to surrender in front of her. Now when he was away, he just didn't want to do that. He remembered how he called her and made her to visit Japan. It was different now cause she wasn't free. Infact she wasn't even fine at that time. Before a week of her album released it just got leaked.

"You alright dude!" Cez asked as he took place near Shawn's seat who was playing a beautiful melody on piano. Shawn noded at his question and turned to face him so he continued.  "So you're ready to play the show tommorrow ."

"Yes I think." He replied.  He wasn't speaking much after a complete silent treatment  but he started speaking that day keeping his voice low as he had to sing next day.

"That melody you were playing in your story was beautiful. " Shawn responded with a smile at his compliment. "Missing Camila hun?" Cez teased.

"So much." He shyly replied.

"Did you talk to her? Told her about your condition.  She must be worried."

"Worried and furious cause she came to know about it through internet."

"What? Why? Shawn you should've told her by yourself. "

"She was so stressed due to her own album and I wanted to tell her and cry before her but-"

"But what?"

"We don't get to talk much these days. And the day I got sick, she was also mentally unstable.  You know her album got leaked." He shrugged. "She was upset." He looked down in his lap. "It's all happening because of me. I always do that to her. " His eyes became wet but Cez remained silent. He was a good listener and that's why he was best advisor too. "In the past she had to go through the same hate train cause of me."

"How? I mean how you caused her that damage."

"I convinced her to collab with me and due to that collaboration she got so much hate to the point of slut shaming and spreading fake rumors about her. And now she was bodyshammed, her album got leaked and she's facing so much hate. I'm the bad influence on her. She was being loved when I was away from her."