✧ ཻུ۪۪. love is the most beautiful of dreams ,
and the worst of nightmares . . .
the walking dead | seasons 4 - 8
( carl grimes x fem!oc )
❁ ↷
12/20/20 & 6/17/22 - #1 in chanderriggs
5/26/22 & 1/2...
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ELLA,
I know that i'm probably the last person you wish to hear from, after everything that happened between us.
It's not fair, what happened to you. What I did. I wish there was more I could say, than that. It would be pointless for me to try and make you forgive me, for all of it, when that's impossible. It's even more cruel to make you remember everything you're trying to forget, by avoiding me, with this. I know all of that.
Though, everything up until now, it's all part of the reason why i'm writing this to you, in the first place.
I debated doing this at all actually, figuring you would have been better off without it, or whatever I have to say in it. You probably are better off without it. I know it's selfish of me, but I hope you still continue reading, despite that all. What I did to you still does not mean I never stopped caring for you. I don't know how to tell you that, without this. I don't think i'll even be able to tell you that either, ever again, with what I have planned.
It was awhile ago, but I know you remember. The prison life we had is something you never spoke about a lot to me, after what happened, but I know you still think about. Which, means you must know about the time Rick sent me off, after what I did to Karen and David. After you all got out of Terminus, Rick told me how you reacted. How you got mad at him for a couple of days after, because of what he did, and how you two were stuck together. I never told you, but you had no reason to be mad. Because, he made the right choice. I should have left. And I should have stayed away.
Now, because of how I came back, I have to leave you again.
No, I don't regret saving you all. You have no idea how great it felt, to realize you were alive, when I saw you all again. I don't think I remember being so happy, since all of this began, so long ago. Hearing the story from Lizzie and Mika about how you were nowhere to be found during the prison fall only made us think the worst, and when they died, that meant you all were gone. Only, until you seemed to be standing in front of me, and running into my arms. It took a lot for me to realize you were really there, at first.
