Pretty Boy

Chapter 13

The park was fun. Seeing Adam play with my little sisters was pretty heartwarming. Especially watching Riko warm up to him.

A boy in a striped shirt ran over to me. "Hachiro!"

"Do I know you?" I asked. When I saw his face, my heart sunk. This boy bullied me in high school.

"We went to school together. I didn't think I'd ever see you outside! After you dropped out, you became a shut-in."

Because everyone made me hate myself. I didn't want anyone to look at me.

"I'm in university now."

"And I- you're hot!"

"And you're surprised?"

"Well yeah. You used to be pretty low on the fuck-ability scale."

"I get it. I was fat. You can leave me alone now." I frowned and glanced back over at Adam, who was watching me curiously.

"How have you been? You must work out often, is that what you've been doing since high school?"

"Hey!" Adam jogged over and grabbed my hand. "Is this guy bothering you, Shuji?"

I don't want him to have to stand up for me.

"No. We were friends in high school."

"Who's this?" The boy asked me. "Finally come out of the closet? I knew you were gay, we all did. He's your boyfriend right?"

I squeezed Adam's hand. "No. He's just a friend. I don't know what gave anyone the impression that I was gay."

Adam immediately let go of my hand and stepped between us, placing his hand on the guy's chest and smiling. "Pardon me but do you mind leaving? I'm in the middle of a date and I don't need scum like you bugging my boyfriend. It really kills the vibe, you know?"

"So he is your boyfriend?" He asked.

"Sorry, maybe I should be more blunt." He pulled his hand back and dropped his smile. "Fuck off or I'll kick your ass."

Due to the comment I'd received at the park, I asked Adam if I could walk back to the dorms. I wanted to be by myself and I think he understood that.

I walked through the rain, my clothes soaked and my shoes full of water. My hair messily hung in my face as I pulled my hood up.

Why am I suddenly so sad?

Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was the memories of what my body used to be. But for some reason, I'd grown hurt by the words I had heard.

I look so different now and yet when I look in the mirror, I still see the weight I used to have. I still see the notes left in my yearbook and the emotional scarring left from two and a half years of being bullied.

My feet stopped dead in their tracks.

What am I doing? I'm happy now.

Suddenly the feeling of cold water on my face was replaced with warm. I flinched, eyes widening as my heart pounded in my chest.

I'm crying. Why am I...

I wiped my tears and looked up at the rain to try and wash away the ones that fell afterwards.

I was in a completely different world now that I looked different and my lifestyle had changed. But even though the outside was different, the inside hadn't changed at all. I was still too soft for cruelty. That's why I was so cruel to everyone else I met. I didn't want them to be cruel to me.

But I'm happy now.

I spent my life tripping over eggshells and broken picture frames. Now that I had money and what were usually considered good looks, I didn't know what to do. I knew how to shield myself from the world, not live in it.

"I'm happy- I-...." I covered my mouth as sobs tried to leave my throat. I have to be happy. What reason do I have to be sad?

I looked back to the pavement and took off down the wet concrete. My lungs burned as I ran back to the dormitories, furiously wiping my tears away once I was on the elevator.

What am I doing? Being out in the cold like that, I'm gonna get sick. Just suck it up, I have no reason to be sad.

I walked to my dorm room once the elevator stopped, unlocking the door and stepping inside. Adam immediately wrapped a towel around me and helped me take my shoes off. "I shouldn't have let you walk alone but I had to take your sisters home so-"

"Adam. I'm okay. I just wanted to walk."

I knew that spending time feeling sorry for myself was never a good idea. That's why I ran back. If I had stayed alone for much longer, I wasn't sure I'd be able to pull myself back into my feet. I didn't think I could escape the sadness if I stayed in it for too long. "You looked so sad."

"I'm not."

He placed a hand on my cheek and frowned. "Have you been crying?"

"No."

"Liar. Your eyes are all puffy." He pulled my glasses off and set them in his pocket, looking closer at my face. "Did that guy hurt your feelings, Shuji?"

"No."

"I'm gonna kill him." Anger painted his face but I just lifted my hand and placed it on the top of his head. "Hm? Uh....Shuji?"

I pulled his head to my chest and wrapped my other arm around him. "Thanks for standing up for me. Sorry I put you in that position."

"You didn't. He was making you uncomfortable, wasn't he?"

"Yes but-"

"Then I'm happy to help out! You're pretty non-confrontational and quiet. So I figured I should say something. I just didn't realize that he was...being mean."

"Have you ever been sad?"

"All of the time."

"What about for no reason? When you have no reason to cry but you just feel your chest burn and have no choice but to start?"

"Shuji, it's okay that he upset you."

"But that's not it." I let him go and stepped back. "I'm happy! I am..." I felt tears prick my eyes, which frustrated me as my voice began to break. It rose a bit in pitch with each crack. "I have everything I ever wanted. I'm happy- I-...."

"Shuji, you're not happy."

"But I want to be." The tears in my eyes fell down to my chin. "I want to be happy!"

When my voice rose, it broke so bad that it hurt my throat. He stood on his toes and wrapped his arms around me, whispering in my ear. "We'll get you there. But it'll take time so don't be so hard on yourself."