Coming Back Home

Chapter 15

In the months after his divorce, the one thing Bin had to relearn was to be patient. Losing his wife and children felt like being thrown out into a world that he didn't have skills to survive. He realized that his life ran like a well-oiled machine mostly because Yejin made sure he got everything he needed even before he asked for it. All those years, he has taken for granted how Yejin took care of everything for him - his coffee, his socks, his life. He spent a big chunk of time just fumbling around the first flat he rented after leaving their home. Making his own coffee was the first skill he realized he needed to figure out. After spending some time, wallowing in self pity, he went to one of those specialty stores and looked at different machines he needed for his caffeine requiring self. He did start with buying an expensive espresso machine but later, found himself, scaling back and buying the ones that allowed him to make coffee the old fashioned way. Grind and pour over. Start with the basic, he reminds himself everyday. Even now.

It was one week after, when his Eomma told him about her talk with Yejin and his ghosts have started to somehow intrude his thoughts. He's been pondering for a few days now and came to the decision that there needs to be an exorcism of some sort to get it all out. The question was, is Yejin ready?

Today he finds himself enjoying a late afternoon easy hike with his family. Yejin has slowly gained strength and she suggested taking a walk with the kids to a nearby park. Mi Cha and Joon decided to miraculously join them instead of spending time in their gadgets talking to their friends as what has been common for pre-teens their age. Maybe their mom's health has taught them how fragile life is and to seize the gift of the present. Bin's wake up call came years before but still, cancer has a way of making what is known, an urgent matter.

From his vantage point, Bin gently gazes at the woman who has owned his heart since high school. He was standing at a distance, having come from the car to grab a heavier outerwear for Yejin who was feeling the cooler autumn air. Mi Cha and Joon were standing on both sides of Jinnie talking animatedly at something that was apparently too funny. The girls seem to be teasing the only boy who was starting to cover his face with his hands in embarrassment. Perhaps the kind of ribbing his girls usually do just because they always find Joon's reaction cute. Mi Cha, who was as tall as her mom now draped his right arm around Yejin's shoulder while absentmindedly fixing wisps of hair that has escaped Yejin's pony tail.

He badly missed being part of this. The past months were difficult because of Yejin's condition but being home with his family felt right. It wasn't too long before he decided that he will win them back. He worked his way through coming out a better person after hurting his family and he is hopeful that Yejin will give him the chance to prove himself. There would be no rushing this, he reminds himself. He has befriended patience after all. In a way, he has given her feelers about his intentions but the day when he would have to really sit down and talk with Jinnie should be soon rather than later. No ambiguity. No second guesses. What's left is just getting in touch with her pain three years later or whatever still remains - hearing it from her so that he can understand her more and make amends. If what she needed to hear and feel, is his remorse over and over again, Bin knows that he is man enough to give that to her. His heart is just full of love for her, for his family and no amount of lurking guilt or shame can shadow the depth of his feelings for them.

He takes slow steps to reach them, drapes the coat over Yejin's shoulder and stands beside his son. The kids look at each other and as if conspiring, informs the adults that they wanted to check out the exercise bars a few meters ahead leaving Bin and Yejin behind.

The park is a distance from their home, has a nice space for walking and the spot where they were, overlooks a good sized lake, which appears picturesque as it is surrounded by trees in varying shades of yellow and orange.