Chapter 11

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"Jinnie is slipping away.." Hyun Bin thought to himself as he pondered on the past two weeks after THAT dinner. He's noticed how she's been evasive and keeping to herself in very subtle ways.

For his part, he's been more and more resolved to end his relationship with Sora. With or without having Yejin back, he owes everyone, including himself, the truth. He slowly realized that there was never really anyone else that could completely take away that part of his heart that Yejin owned.

And this has brought him here - camped outside Sora's place. She hasn't been answering his calls as he reminded her that they needed to talk soon. She must have been busy with work, specifically saying she was not to be disturbed in her business trip but it's been a week since she came home and what's needed to be done, has to be done. Bin feels it with a sense of urgency.

Sora's car finally arrives and she parks in her usual spot. Bin gets down from his car and waits for her at the gate. Once they were in close proximity, Sora grimly asks,

"Why are you here? You know the number to the door, you could've let yourself in Bin.."

"I know but It just doesn't feel right.."

Together they go up the flight of stairs to her apartment and she ushers him inside. Bin removes his shoes and settles in the couch prepared to start what he had to say. However, Sora proceeds to the tiny kitchen and goes about preparing dinner for both of them. Her mood shifts and she starts to chat about mundane stuff that happened in the office, something she normally does. It starts to dawn on him that this was her usual way of not dealing with their issues.

He was never ready to settle, that was obvious. She was always pissed that he would miss important events in their relationship. She felt hurt whenever he wouldn't send her "gifts-for-no -reason-but-just-because". He always canceled whenever the kids needed him (even if he knew Jinnie would have taken care of some of their needs). He never said I love you.

"Sora, we need to talk."

She suddenly paused whatever she was doing by the sink, her back turned away from him. Cautiously, he approaches her and continues.

"There is just no way to do this without hurting you so I am sorry. I really am. But we have to end this relationship."

He allows the silence to envelope both of them, reflective of all the things unsaid throughout their time together.

"It was never going to work for us. And it's my fault Sora."

"What do I have to do Bin? Tell me!" She says turning around to face him. "All this time, I tried so hard to fit into your life. You never gave me a chance. You are so unfair!"

Bin accepts all the words she hurls at him. He knows there was a lot of truth to her feelings.

"You told me that your kids will always come first, I said yes of course. Work came first! But hey, you had to make a living right? Besides you're a father. So I swallowed all my pride and told myself, this is how mature relationships work. I have to be the understanding girlfriend. And I did that wholeheartedly. But this thing with Yejin???! You are not a husband anymore Bin!! "

"I'm sorry..."

"Shut up! Let me speak. I've bottled this up way too long. You thought I never saw the way you looked at her during the times we had a 'nice family dinner'? Even when she brought her boyfriend then... You couldn't stop yourself from staring. And I just tried so hard to understand that it's not easy to be divorced and that you have this history and all with the mother of your kids.."

She pauses as she sobs some more. Bin looks down, feeling guilty about causing this much pain to someone.

"Since I learned that Jinnie was sick, I started to understand how it is to constantly fear. She could be gone soon and I cannot bear having a life without her. The divorce was painful, yes. But at least I knew that she was going to be happier without me for a husband. That is what got me through. Seeing her happy and living the life I feel like I have taken away from her. She just sacrificed too much for me Sora. Have I told you that there was a year where she worked while I went through graduate school? I feel like I held her back because she put my dreams first. And now... with this cancer threatening to .... I'm so sorry. There was no way to deny it to myself any longer."

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